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Salt Doll -- tranlsation of another oriental poem |
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By mia_ms_kim
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01 March 2008 |
This is another poem by Shiva Ryu, for those who wanted some more. I took some liberty in translating this poem. In translating, I sacrifice correctness of vocabulary and grammar in order to convey the overall meaning of the piece, and hopefully the writer's intention. (I just hope I read Ryu correctly.)
For those who want more precise words, the last two lines of the original poem literally reads 'Without even a mark / Was dissolved away.' But I felt such a translation would take away from the poet's intention, as I see it, to say that he vanished and no longer existed.
Salt Doll
Ocean’s depth to measure
Into the ocean
Went down the Salt Doll
And your depth to measure
Into your blood
Plunged
I
And like the Salt Doll
Without a mark
Disappeared
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Good work
Written by patterjack (1194 comments posted) 29th February 2008 | I cannot of course comment on the accuracy of your translation ! but the results are fascinating.
The grammatical inversions gave me moment's pause-- but then I do not know whether the original grammar also had that archaic feel.
Punctuation?
Whatever , I enjoyed this and look forward to more .
patterjack | Archaic...
Written by mia_ms_kim (1019 comments posted) 29th February 2008 | You are right, Brian. It does sound archaic. Korean grammar is the opposite of English.
"Cat sat on the mat." BECOMES
"Cat mat-on sat." OR "Mat-on cat sat." (Kor)
We have no definite/indefinite article.
So in trying to be faithful to the Korean grammar as far as I could, I stretched English and the translation became archaic. It is accidental.
As far as I know, Korean poetry does not major on rhyme though it has some rhythm. Koreans major on imagery, feel, taste and texture of words because the Korean language is rich in adjectives.
Ryu didn't use any punctuation, so I didn’t use any either, hoping it will still be readable.
Thank you for your review, Biran. Now I'm wondering it is easier to write my own instead of trying to get into the mind of a tormented poet!
Mia |
Written by Fledermaus (3301 comments posted) 10th March 2008 | | Translating poems seems an art of its own. A most interesting poem this one. I'm curious about this gentleman. Is his name a pseudonym? A doesn't sound very Korean to me (not that I know much about the Korean language though). | Hi, Fledermaus
Written by mia_ms_kim (1019 comments posted) 10th March 2008 | I've written a little about his background in the review section of 'Salt', the first poem of Ryu I've translated. It is a pen name, a Korean name, if faithfully translated 'Shi-Hwa Ryu'. His real name is 'Jae-Hyuk Ahn'. It's hard to find more personal information on him than what I've already given. It looks like he raised his son by himself, that he loved one woman intensely, but something happened - don't know what. One of his poems seems to imply he's seen the world beyond death.
He is extremely popular with the general public because he bares his soul, and his poems speak to them, but many professional critiques and poets seem to despise him because he is not a 'real poet', he breaks all the rules of poetry. But some people call him the 'break-through' poet. Me - I just know I find his perception about life fascinating.
Mia |
Written by lauthiamkok (60 comments posted) 28th March 2008 | beautiful, beautiful creation. very zen. When I come across this type of creation, I would not catogorise it in the box of comment poetry. It is something like what Gaston Bachelard's ontological significance,
"The poetic image is not subject to an inner thrust. It is not an echo of the past. On the contrary: through the brilliance of an image, the distant past resounds with echoes, and it is hard to know at what depth these echoes will reverberate and die away. Because its novelty and its action, the poetic image has an entity and a dynamism of its own; it is referable to a direct ontology.[…] The poet does not confer the past of his image upon me, and yet his image immediately takes roots in me. The communicability of an unusual image is a fact of great ontological significance."
Gaston Bachelard (1884 - 1962), The Poetics of Space (195 , Introduction xvi, xvii. |
Written by lauthiamkok (60 comments posted) 28th March 2008 | oppss... I should have written,
It is something like what is in Gaston Bachelard's poetic image, which has "a fact of great ontological significance".
The Poetics of Space (195 |
Written by mia_ms_kim (1019 comments posted) 28th March 2008 | Thank you again, lauthiamkok. I always plead ignorance when it comes to poetry. I just know what I like when I read them. And I have to tell you, your review comments go right over my head. But you seem to echo the sentiments of the poetry critics who do like Ryu's work (there is only a handful).
Now I'm beginning to feel I have to find this elusive Mr Ryu and get him to translate his work into English! Maybe he will pay me a commission.
Mia  |
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