If you want a new suite I know a man what does it cheap....
A family in a quiet leafy suburb of Manchester have been shunned by their neighbours after it was discovered that they still had an Avocado bathroom suite.
`An innocent remark by my daughter at her school started it all,` said Mr Peter Fletcher of Whimsy way, Stockport. `Her class were having a lesson on Interior design and Emma mentioned how difficult her mum found it to get matching towels for our Avocado bathroom. The poor girl couldn`t understand why there was a stunned silence followed by the rest of the girls sniggering uncontrollably to themselves. Then at lunchtime she found herself sitting at a table on her own.
My wife called in at the greengrocers last week and as soon as she walked in the shop everyone started tittering and turned their backs on her. When it came to her turn to be served she felt so humiliated when the greengrocer told her she could have a couple of pounds off his `special pears` because they were a little out of date.`
Mr Fletcher also told our reporter that he has been hounded out of his local. `The barman started deliberately giving me short measures, and suddenly there was no place for me in either the cribbage or the darts team.`
But the final straw came for the Fletchers` yesterday when they received a letter from their local GP saying he could no longer keep them on his patient list.
`This has been the ultimate insult,` said a distraught Mr Fletcher. `And we have decided to move. My wife says it will be a wrench, even after all that has happened. But we are determined to start afresh, even though my wife can`t stand anything remotely white…
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Written by Phil (6383 comments posted) 3rd March 2008 |
Didn't quite pull this one off, for me. (Ooer!) Nothing wrong with the writing - it could be the idea. Comically absurd though it is, I think it's been devalued by those awful home makeover or purchase programs: 'Of course, this dreadful avocado suit will have to go...' etc etc ad nauseum.
Anyway, as a boyhood survivor of a near orange bathroom, I feel too fragile to engage.
Sorry.
Phil |
`Rushing into print`
Written by woody44 (760 comments posted) 3rd March 2008 |
Yeh, you`re probably right Phil. I `wrote` this inbetween doing the piece over on Drama, never a good idea. No excuse though. I think if I did it again I would tackle it completely differently. Thanks for your comments.
Roger |
Written by Bottleblondesurfer (3133 comments posted) 3rd March 2008 |
It's funny how things change. I believe they were so fashionable once. The original bit of genius was to to re-name that awful vomit green colour Avocado,It was only going to fool people for so long.
Ido like the way you played the crazy idea perfectly straight and got the commentary right. That's where the humour lay.It was the last line that really brought it to life: good for her, I say. I think there are a few canary yellow ones still around. I also like it that they chose to move rather than take it out, like it was almost sacred.
I like your wacky takes on the quotidian
Jane |
Written by coosh (822 comments posted) 7th March 2008 |
| My only knowledge of Stockport is a virtually bankrupt football team, so it came as quite a surprise to find they had bathrooms up there. Very funny idea, Woody - perhaps "potential" rather than the "finished article" - I also liked the last line - so they won't be moving to Mozambique then... And what happened to the stone cladding and garden gnomes? Presumably, the ideal accompaniment to an avocado bathroom would be a guacamole toilet and matching prawn bidet. Very enjoyable idea. |
Written by woody44 (760 comments posted) 7th March 2008 |
Thanks Jane and David, although I must admit to having to look up quotidian Jane!
Roger |
Outrage
Written by Minimango (13 comments posted) 2nd April 2008 |
I understand this piece fully. I find it unacceptable that they still permit that sort of outagous colour co-ordination in this fine nation of ours. If i were in a position of power, i would use that power to punish such crimes and make an example of the perpitrators.
Youth wearing hoodies in shopping centres? lets forget the nonsence and concentrate on the core problems in this nation. relevant interior decorating.
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Written by woody44 (760 comments posted) 3rd April 2008 |
Well said Mini. Stand for Parliament with this as your platform and you have my vote.
Roger |
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