the feeling of being on the outside.
once there was a man,
a simple man
sometimes a little blue
battered around the edges
he often tried in his own way,
with his simple poems and writing
to show his point of view.
but then
the takeover began
a gang of four or five
made the man think of mao
for some reason.
self pretension was high
preening on the pages common
self praise became an art form, or
at least it seemed that way
to the blueman.
he often thought it must be him
what with him not being that bright an all
so he left for pastures new,
it upset him that it had come to this
but he never felt he was at home
since the takeover had begun.
he hoped he would be able to find a new home
where simple and humble folk lived,
where he could be accepted for what he was
for now he felt he was an outsider from
elitist thought and pretension,
at least thats what he thought anyway,
for he was a simple man,
who could not see that which others could see,
he felt unworthy being in the presence
of such litarary giants,
so he left.

|
Written by Phil (6959 comments posted) 2nd March 2008 |
Hard not to read things into this one, Bernie. I'll go with the obvious. As far as I'm concerned, there's room for all here - doesn't mean there shouldn't be any honest reviewing though. Sorry you feel this way. My interpretation (of events - rather than the poem) is that there have always been individuals, especially on the poetry forum, who arrive as the finished article, brook no criticism and drip pretension. They never last long. As for the rest: just a bunch of people getting excited about their work. Nothing wrong with that. I wish it happened to me a little more often. I think your man should stick around. Like the rest of us, he's up and down - but some of the most arresting words I've read here have belonged to him. If I do have the wrong end of the stick - I'm sorry. (And even though no-one will see, I'll blush.) Sincerely - Phil. |
Written by maipenrai (784 comments posted) 2nd March 2008 |
Cheers Mate, this man is not for leaving!!! Sure some bitch of a woman said something like that once Bernie |
Written by Veronica_Milvus (749 comments posted) 2nd March 2008 |
| Hope this is not autobiographical. Seems to me you are very central to this poetic crew. |
It would be pity Written by patterjack (1433 comments posted) 2nd March 2008 |
If we lost someone with your viewpoint s patterjack |
A stab in the heart Written by mia_ms_kim (1057 comments posted) 2nd March 2008 |
A very real stabbing poem. I know nothing about poetry, so I am awed this poem, because I understand it (At least I think I do). I'm often overawed by other poems I don't understand, and feel unworthy to comment. I'm sure I am also guilty of what you express so well in this piece, in other areas of life where I fancy myself to be something of a pseudo-expert. This was a real stab in the heart. I went back and read your past work, and really enjoyed them, too. Mia |
Written by maipenrai (784 comments posted) 3rd March 2008 |
Veronica, PJ, Mia thank you all for your comments. born of frustration this one I think. I am not leaving GW, I just needed to get the frustration out Bernie |
Written by audrie (454 comments posted) 6th March 2008 |
| Lovely poem, Bernie, we all go through these phases of total lack of self esteem, but when you're in the pit, the only way out is up! |
Hi Audrie Written by maipenrai (784 comments posted) 6th March 2008 |
Thanks for your comments and support. Bernie |
Gawd! Written by gerardconnolly (1186 comments posted) 7th March 2008 |
Cheer up Bernie. Not like you to give in to maudlin self pity. Remember you're from Manchester and have the greatest footballing side on the planet. And I don't mean Stockport County. Thing to learn about Pointy Heads is that, as Phil says, with one or two exceptions they are not around GW for long. Moreover, though they may have all the technical expertise of all the world and his dog, they are sadly found wanting when it actually comes to creative writing as they haven't an original idea to their name.You'll usually find that's the way with people who love rules and love to spell them out to others. They also like wearing Peaked Hats and giving out Parking Tickets. So chin up. Do what I do. I simply ignore them. Just act as though they don't exist and carry on your own sweet way. I really couldn't give a toss and urge you to do the same. Remember what Confucius said: ' When a man has big fish to fry, he does not waste oil on a sprat '. Least I think he said that. And if he didn't he boggin' well should have. Slan! |
Thanks Written by maipenrai (784 comments posted) 7th March 2008 |
Mate, you cheered me up no emd "just one of those days just one of those crazy days" again thanks mate. Bernie |
Written by Josie (2845 comments posted) 16th March 2008 |
| I guess you may be feeling low because a couple of us have decided to improve our poetry via a little workshop. Bernie, I had little education - in a B stream of a secondary modern class - but I found a book which has explained things that I wanted to learn in a very simple way, and things which are not at all difficult to learn. In fact they are things which I am already doing, but which have fancy names. If you wish to join us, the door is not shut by any means. There is no harm on this website in trying to improve what you do by lessons. I hope this is not what you are referring to, though. |
Hi Josie Written by maipenrai (784 comments posted) 17th March 2008 |
Just a bad day Josie. Bernie |
Only registered users can rate and write comments.
Please login or register.