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SCENE FROM A BRIDGE

By woody44

03 March 2008

This has been written as an entry for a six-minute theatre production. Comments welcomed!

         SCENE FROM A BRIDGE
               A SIX-MINUTE PLAY
Characters: 1. Smartly dressed young man.
                       2. Well-built, casually dressed older man.

(The scene is set on a winter`s evening on a bridge overlooking a river. The only light is from a couple of street lamps, one at each end of the bridge. Staring down into the murky water, a mobile phone in his hand, is a man in his mid-twenties dressed in an expensive suit and hand-made leather shoes.)

YOUNG MAN: ( IN A WELL-EDUCATED VOICE)    Hello! Is that the Police.…good…look I`ve just seen a guy jump off a bridge into the river. Yes, sorry…Crompton Bridge…about two or three minutes ago I should say…My name…Julian Cartwright…Yes I`ll wait here…Thanks..bye. (AS HE FINISHES THE CALL A WELL-BUILT, CASUALLY DRESSED, OLDER MAN DRAWS LEVEL WITH HIM)

  OLDER MAN: Sorry but I couldn`t help overhearing.. somebody jumped have they?

YOUNG MAN: (QUITE AGGITATED) Yeh..youngish chap from what I could tell..My god! I thought he was just fooling about on the parapet at first..you know..bit of bravado after a drink or two..but then he just looked at me and muttered something like `Tell them I tried` and then he flung his arms in the air and leapt off...I couldn`t believe it..

   OLDER MAN: (FROWNING) `Tell them I tried` What do you think he meant by that then?

YOUNG MAN: (ANGRILY) How the bloody hell should I know what he meant. I was just on my way home from the Office..that reminds me I must ring Belinda, tell her I`ll be a bit late.

OLDER MAN:   That`s the third one this year. Council wanted to put up some sort `a guard fencing, but the Heritage people objected on account of the bridge having some sort of preservation order on it.

YOUNG MAN: ( SPEAKING INTO HIS MOBILE) `Hello darling..yes sorry, look I`m going to be a little late….no darling I am not in the pub…no listen....I was walking across Crompton Bridge when this chap threw himself into the river…..what darling…no that`s Bayldon bridge, Crompton is the one just before the Town Hall….yes a lasagne will be fine…and salad..sounds lovely… see you in a little while sweetie…love you.

OLDER MAN:   I had a mate once, fell off a Bridge in Poland. Gang of them they were, doing one of those foreign stag weekends. Anyway by the time they found him and dragged him out he was a goner. The freezing cold water you see, must have done for him in less than a couple of minutes. They cancelled the wedding of course, him being the best man, well I don`t suppose they could have done anything else really in the circumstances-

YOUNG MAN: (INTERRUPTING) Look shouldn`t we be trying to get him out or something.

OLDER MAN: No point mate. With these currents he`ll be miles downstream by now.

YOUNG MAN: But shouldn`t we try..you know..just in case he`s got caught up in a floating branch or something.

OLDER MAN:   Have you seen how steep that bank is. With all the rain we`ve been having lately you`ll likely as not cause a ruddy landslide if you try and scramble down there. No, best leave it to the experts mate.

YOUNG MAN: Yes I suppose you`re right. God it`s cold! Hope Belinda`s not done one of those veggie things.

OLDER MAN: Sorry?

YOUNGER MAN: Dinner. Hope Belinda`s not done one of those awful veggie lasagne things again. Trouble is she and some of her friends are on this health kick at the moment, and every damn thing she dishes up tastes like bloody cardboard.

  OLDER MAN: Good old stew, that`s what you want mate. Plenty of good red meat and loads of turnips, carrots and spuds – not forgetting the dumplings of course. Can`t beat it. Do mine the night before so all I have to do is stick it on the old gas stove. I get the meat for nothing of course, me being a butcher-

YOUNG MAN: (INTERRUPTING AGAIN) Did you hear that!

OLDER MAN: What?

YOUNGER MAN: Sounded like a sort of muffled cry.

OLDER MAN:   Do you know I reckon I need my ears syringing. Caught a young kid dashing out the shop the other day with a pound a` best Cumberland sausage tucked under his arm. I was in the back you see, boning a leg of pork and I hadn`t heard the door bell. Anyway by the time I got outside the young sod was nowhere to be seen. What makes `em do it aye…I blame the parents..don`t give a shit some of `em-

  YOUNG MAN:   (Leaning over parapet) Listen! There it is again. Do you think it could be the poor chap that`s just jumped.

  OLDER MAN: No, no chance.

YOUNG MAN: What makes you say that.

OLDER MAN: Well would you want to call attention to yourself when you`ve just chucked yourself off a bridge with the intention of killing yourself?

YOUNG MAN:   No I suppose not..but maybe throwing himself off the bridge was just meant as a cry for help..you know..draw attention to his problems.

OLDER MAN:   Doesn`t happen mate, not with jumpers. I spent three years as a Special copper and we had to deal with quite a few suicides. Them as wanted to get noticed usually took a few pills..you know..enough to make them right poorly but not life-threatening. I reckon if you chuck yourself in a river, `specially late at night in the middle of winter, then things are pretty bad and you don`t want no way back.

YOUNG MAN: (HESITANTLY) Yes..well I suppose you could be right.

OLDER MAN: Learnt me a lot it did, them three years.

YOUNG MAN: Yes I expect it would. Must have been pretty scary though, not knowing what your next..what do they call it..shout..was going to be.

OLDER MAN: Nah..it was routine stuff mainly, apart from the suicides of course. Usually old ladies locked out of their houses, a few domestic rucks. Worse thing was when they sent us up to Yorkshire to back up the regular bobbies that were dealing with the miners strike back in the eighties.

YOUNG MAN: That must have been quite daunting...I`ve seen newsreels and it looked pretty nasty.

  OLDER MAN: Eye..they were a pretty thuggish lot..and that was just the other coppers!(The young man smiles briefly)

  YOUNG MAN: I don`t think I could do anything like that. Confrontation of any sort scares me shitless. I suppose that`s why Belinda gets away with blue murder so much.

  OLDER MAN:   It must be nice though, having somebody to come home to of an evening.

YOUNG MAN: Have you never been..you know..married or anything?

OLDER MAN:   Nah..got close once..must be ten year ago now.

YOUNG MAN: What happened?

OLDER MAN: Not sure really. For ages after it finished I kidded myself it was because of the butchering..you know..coming home every night stinking of offal and that. but if I`m honest I think she just got bored with me. Anyway she told me one night she`d found somebody else. Estate agent he was, all flash suits and shiny shoes…no offence by the way..Last time I heard she was living up in Scotland with two kids and a field full of chickens.

YOUNG MAN: (SUDDENLY LOOKING AT HIS WATCH) Where the hell are the police...Surely they should be here by now.

OLDER MAN:   Probably finishing a cuppa somewhere. Not that they`ll be able to do much when they get here.

YOUNG MAN: God, what an awful way to die!

OLDER MAN: Way of the world pal. Too much to do and not enough time to do it in. (The sound of a siren is suddenly heard, getting louder as it nears the bridge)

OLDER MAN: There you are. Right on cue. (HOLDS OUT HIS HAND) Anyway I best go, seen enough stiffs to last me a lifetime and I promised to look in on my old mum and she`ll be wondering where I am. Take care of yourself..and if it`s a veggie lasagne that missus of yours serves up, tell her you want a bit of honest red meat in future, nothing more , nothing less, okay?

YOUNG MAN: (BRIEFLY SHAKING THE OLDER MAN`S HAND) Red meat, nothing more, nothing less..I`ll be sure to tell her..thanks.

(The older man walks off leaving the young man staring down into the water. The siren reaches a crescendo before it stops, leaving only the sound of water lapping up against the river bank)

                                CURTAIN.

Reviews

Written by Phil (6439 comments posted) 3rd March 2008

Read this aloud - more or less six minutes - so you're okay there. It occurred that the judges may not appreciate the swearing. Didn't bother me, but it may them. I don't think you'd lose much if you dropped the couple you've included. Better in, I think, but it may be worth considering.

Really enjoyed it. The dialogue read very naturally - perhaps a few too many extended speeches. I really enjoyed the contrast between the situation and the work-a-day worries of life. That provided a lovely level of gentle humour. I felt the humour dropped off a little when the older man told the younger about his days as a special.

Simple, humorous, sad, complete, accessible, easy to stage. How can you fail?

Thoroughly good stuff.

Phil

BTW: I know virtually bugger all about scripting - so treat my comments with caution - but not: Simple, humorous, sad, complete, accessible, easy to stage. How can you fail? -That stands, regardless.

Hi Woody
Written by jean.day (2208 comments posted) 3rd March 2008

Very good play. I enjoyed reading it, but all along, I thought the young man had made the whole thing up. He wasn't upset enough. And I expected that to be revealed at the end.

Then I wondered if the old man was going to jump. I guess I was expecting a twist - but there wasn't one.

I liked all the talk about food - but again, it doesn't really seem appropriate when you are worried about somebody killing themselves. But I guess it goes to show that people aren't all that worried about other people.

Anyway, those aren't criticisms - just thoughts that were going through my head while I read it.

Good luck with the competition.

Written by Bottleblondesurfer (3186 comments posted) 4th March 2008

An excellent bit of work. I liked the contrast between the dramatic event and the inconsequential chat of the two. How else would two strangers talk about such an event except by taking refuge in quotidian details, and bringing in their own experiences. I took that as the subtext of the play,it gave it its strength.
In a TV soap they would have been laying their souls bare in seconds, but this was so much more true to life.We did learn a little about their lives but it was layered in subtly. I thought the ending worked well; I felt they were comforting themselves with talk of food to anchor themselves in the world of the living as they were faced with self-inflicted death., proabaly open to other interpretations which is the mark of good writing. Ths says quite a lot about people in stressful situations.
Best of luck and let us know how you get on
Jane

Written by coosh (822 comments posted) 7th March 2008

Great contrast between the seriousness of the situation and the meandering chat. Very well put together. They could perhaps have wandered off-topic into even zanier areas, but you got the tone of it just right. I pictured it more filmed rather than theatre (perhaps because of the sound and image of the river?) and was also expecting to get hit with a twist at the end, somehow linking the jumper with the old guy, for some reason - however, looking at it again, I think it's better the way you did it, reflective, petering out, with the image of them parting and none the wiser - brought together briefly by an "attempted suicide". Very easy to picture and, as always with your work, a simple, effective concept beautifully executed.

THANKS.
Written by woody44 (768 comments posted) 7th March 2008

Phil, Jean, Jane and David - thanks for your time and constructive crits.

Roger

The Gentle Art of Understatement.
Written by gerardconnolly (1186 comments posted) 12th March 2008

I am sorry to come to this so late, Roger. But well done nonetheless. Most of what I would say has been said already; although I have to take issue with Phil and say that the swearing appears to me integral to the piece and ought not to be taken out. Don't forget you are writing a dramatic piece not trying to impress judges. If the judges don't like drama one wonders what the fuck they are doing judging a drama competition!?

I did, as Jane and David, like the juxtaposition of the seriousness of the event and the aimless chat that surrounded it. You are good at that. The gentle art of understatement. Not something you can learn too easily. But it does lend such emphasis to the dramatic impact. In an age when every other writer is specific explicit down to every last ranting syllable it is much to be welcomed. Makes you different. And eventually that difference gets you noticed.

I do hope you get some recognition for your efforts. Let us know how you got on.

Slan!

PS I noticed you got on Newsbiscuit. Well done!!

Written by Lizzy (782 comments posted) 29th March 2008

I thought this flowed very well and was very natural.
A sad read, a man's deathe on a par with vegetable lasagne.
Good one
Lizzy

Written by woody44 (768 comments posted) 29th March 2008

Thanks Lizzy - liked your summing up of the story!

Roger

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