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Poetry
Hear Me
By Avril
07 March 2008
This was orginally meant to be lyrics, but obviously there's no place for lyrics on GW. I just discovered this and a few other pieces amongst the piles of junk in my desk, I think I wrote it a year ago.



Shadows shift closer as this comes to its bitter end
Your perfect face calms me,
Hear what I'm trying to say!
You renew my broken soul
I mournfully watch you walk away.

But I will hold my head high,
Erect and emotionless
My dreams hold you with loving arms
But you're gone
You won't speak when I call
You don't hear when I fall
To think I loved you is insanity!

Still my dreams caress your faultless countenance
I will not forget,
I reach for you but you can't feel me
You try to undo my sinful self
Now there's danger, you flee.


Reviews

Written by Phil (6645 comments posted) 8th March 2008
As a set of lyrics, they may work well - hard to say. As a piece of writing, very descriptive without much attachment, emotion. Not sure how to review lyrics. Nathan posted a link to MP3 files on the net somewhere - that was a good idea. 
 
Sorry if this isn't too helpful. Not sure what you're looking for. 
 
Phil.

Written by Bottleblondesurfer (3298 comments posted) 8th March 2008
I'm sure they are fine; the trouble with lyrics is they are only half the work. It needs the music to add drama and meaning.

Written by Avril (7 comments posted) 8th March 2008
very true

Written by NathanRoberts (277 comments posted) 9th March 2008
The first stanza reminded me a little of Ian Curtis' lyrics for Joy Division. Ian's favoured way of working was to write the words and then place them to music. (If you've never listened to JD, check out 'Eternal' from the album 'Closer' for starters.....amazing.) 
 
Other songwriters have a tendency to write the melody first with just vague ideas for words...McCartney, for example, apparently started writing 'Yesterday' from a dreamt melody...the first phrase being filled in as 'Scrambled eggs'!  
 
'Yesterday', is a good example of the essential difference between songwriting and poetry. Taken as poetry, 'Yesterday' would be an ok little piece, some nice ideas, but nothing amazing, but add melody and harmony (and some great singing / playing) and it became one of the most famous songs ever.... 
 
I intially began my stint on GW by posting some old lyrics that I was fairly pleased with. I was quick to discover that they don't really stand up on their own...tending to appear a little flat. 
 
Having said all that....I think your piece is closer to poetry than song lyrics. 

Written by Avril (7 comments posted) 9th March 2008
Thank you NathanRoberts that is very helpful.

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