I have had a major change in my life. Following 42 years of living with an angry and controlling man, who hated it when I took time to write, I left without anything to make a new life. I now live with my aged mother and my foster child. I hope to heal from his hurtful and belittling remarks that cut me like knives to the heart. Thank you for your words of encouragement and constructive criticizm.
Arched in my flower garden
I pose like a statuette
Silent, nearly motionless
Sun-rays embrace and kiss me
Sweat-drops dive off my nose-tip
Drenched hair adheres to my neck
A new fragrance drifts my way
Enticing...Erotic...Engaging
The flowering crab bears no fruit
Clinging to their branches
Their purpose is to transmit
A scent for which there is no likeness
A whispering breeze pulls in
Maple-leaves wail and whimper
Yellow Finches peck and probe
Amid sunflower seeds
Hummingbirds join the vista
They find the honeysuckle irresistible
The Oriole explore for orange
Succulent slices set in branches
Hummingbirds zoom past my head
With a spirited whooshing buzz
Unlike those pesky mosquitoes
Which attach themselves with their stingers
A fluffy yellow bumble-bee
Settles on my handful of weeds
An aroma blows in here and there
Serenading sounds of nature's beauty
Become element and parcel
In my secret garden
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Written by Josie (2785 comments posted) 8th March 2008 |
| Wow! I can almost feel that I am with you in y our beautiful garden. I think people who have gardens are lucky because, far from finding it a place of work (which it is), working in a garden can heal the soul, I find. When things are wrong in your life (although yours should be getting better now) - working away in the garden is therapeutic. Well, I think so. Lovely Poem Beatrice-Louise. |
Written by Phil (6730 comments posted) 9th March 2008 |
There's a gentle cadence to this that complements the almost dream-like feel of the words. As I pictured this - it was in soft focus. In those terms - very successful in evoking a sense of place.
May just be me - I was wanting you to return to the first image (narrator, stood statue like) in the last verse.
Phil |
Written by punchy (500 comments posted) 9th March 2008 |
Inticing and hopeful. This was soft and wistful and it drew me in. Finding new life is to be reborn into nature.
Punchy |
Written by NathanRoberts (277 comments posted) 10th March 2008 |
| I particularly like the first stanza and agree with phil that a return to that image seems fitting towards the end. There's some subtle use of slant rhyme in some places (vista / whimper; bee / weeds) which works well. It feels very warm and calming. |
Written by beatricelouise (215 comments posted) 15th March 2008 |
Thank you all for your words of encouragement. Also, the suggestion to go back to the statuette in the last verse. I'll see what I can do.  |
Written by Fledermaus (3306 comments posted) 30th March 2008 |
Gardens are great  And your poem tells that very well. Liked it how the simple quiet things were made big and important, for of course they are. |
Hi Beatrice
Written by jean.day (2283 comments posted) 28th April 2008 |
I really liked this poem and you drew such a contented picture.
I sort of wonder if who instead of which might be used for the mosquitos - but am not sure. It just sort of jangled when I read it.
You do very well with the free verse style. |
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