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Poetry
Entropy : An Ode To Be Chanted
By patterjack
09 March 2008
Tired of pentameters, I threw this together as a change of pace.

Tired of rational development in verse, I went to MacGonnigal -- if he could get away with it , I thought, so could I. 

It is a melange of metrical feet -- you name one and you are likely to find it here.

I have eschewed entirely any thought of a constraining form other than the quatrain.

It does however rhyme -- with  oddities

This introduction is an explanation not an excuse.

Comments happily received but let's not be serious.




Entropy :    an   Ode  to  be  Chanted

With a nod to the irregularities of Abraham Cowley and the works of the incomparable MacGonnigal


Man cannot halt the changing seasons as they pass with startling speed
inexorably one by one diminishing in number to that final precious few ,
so few remaining that it well behoves us that we take a necessary heed
before that final day when, last column totaled, the full account falls due.

Seasons are like a long, long progress taken through the rooms
that stretch through what we mortals call this world's great mansion;
a long and many doored gallery extending to the encompassing glooms
beyond which finality there is no hope of a further expansion.  

Send out for Spring, then,  to be delivered here neatly in a cardboard box,
then when it comes, that is the time to foot it featly,  even friskily;
show off with the gallop ,  the polka,  the trot of the fleetfoot fox,
though the complexity of the steps can affect your balance riskily.

Each Spring season lightly and gently conceals all those human faults
that painfully assert themselves while bleak winter lies round us cold
prodding, edging the reluctant world into deep ice covered vaults
that no more than partly preserve the creaking dying or the failing old.

Let the theologians argue the values of seasons back and forth, deep immured in their monasteries fusty,  
there is no place for them to enjoy the brilliantly coloured air of the summer sunlight;
Let lawyers arraign miscreants for trial or pore through their volumes of torts in their offices dark and dusty,
secretive, and foregoing weather that would better serve to bring them unfettered delight.

Autumn carries with it an accumulating desire to freely indulge in folly
to fling roses like the riotous throng and kick up heaps of lately fallen leaves,  
but too soon it slows and leads to the growth of a sickly melancholy
dulling a brain unable even to recall the reason why it now mourns or grieves.   

Then winter comes again and the cold wind makes the dripping candles flicker,
dimming their glow as the deepening shadows weave on the walls and waver;
the ailing body slows towards a halt and the failing blood runs thicker,
joints stiffen,  sight blurs and the voice trembles in a mournful quaver.

Believing that he stands like one of the ancient gods, powerful,  proud and tall,
mankind is unwilling to accept the inevitable and irremediable curse  
which condemns that he himself and his works,  though great,  must fall
in ways no different in their end from that of the old entropic universe.


Reviews
Hi Brian
Written by jean.day (2327 comments posted) 9th March 2008
Beautifully written, and fun to chant.  
 
You do so well, on whatever form you choose to try, and make the rest of us seem very amateurish indeed. 
 
Our winter's nearly over - but yours must be on the way. I hope you are not too badly affected by the colder weather.
O to be in England ,
Written by patterjack (1328 comments posted) 9th March 2008
...now that April's here. ( well , nearly ! ) 
 
Though a dyed-in-the-finest-merino-wool Aussie , I did appreciate watching the English winter change to spring . I remember one tree in particular ; as the days passed it seemed to gain a green glow, a halo , and then burgeoned fully into leaf. Lovely ! ! 
 
As for the ode -- I cannot honestly say it flowed-- and I have come to realise just how hard it is to writedeliberately badly .  
 
Bu I myself do likedo the line  
 
Send out for Spring, then, to be delivered here neatly in a cardboard box 
 
And the rhyming was an interesting exerccise as was the placement of sometimes double caesuras 
 
patterjack
damn the attempted font changes
Written by patterjack (1328 comments posted) 9th March 2008
I really mucked them up !!!  
 
And in struggling with them I impolitely forgot to say thanks , Jean ! 
 
patterjack
dare I say
Written by fellpony (1659 comments posted) 9th March 2008
- much, much better than MacGonigall!! it "will be remembered for a very long time" :)

Written by Veronica_Milvus (706 comments posted) 9th March 2008
Trust Patterjack to illuminate the human condition so laconically. 
For the record I didn't think it sounded at all McGonigally. 
 
But what would I know? 
I'm just a tyro.
Another wow!
Written by mia_ms_kim (1054 comments posted) 9th March 2008
Words escape me.  
I have no idea who MacGonnigal is, but the concept of entropy always fascinated me. I kept thinking this reminds me of someone else I've read. This morning I realised this reads to me like a condensed, modernised and more digestible version of Ecclesiastis. (Sorry to bring up religion again, but Solomon was a poet who wrote romantic poems and collected wisdom literature early in life, then wrote Ecclesiastis as an older person.)  
 
Wow. 8)  
 
Mia - trying not to be serious...
Solomon ...
Written by patterjack (1328 comments posted) 9th March 2008
... I am not :)  
 
But Ecclesiastes ( especially 12 ) is powerful stuff , and your comment is very flattering  
 
patterjack

Written by Phil (6845 comments posted) 9th March 2008
Is it enough on the poetry forum to simply say: 'I liked it.' Some stand analysis, some don't need it. I just liked it. 
 
Phil
A thousand wives...
Written by mia_ms_kim (1054 comments posted) 9th March 2008
I hope you don't have! :grin  
 
A thousand wives Solomon had, 
and a thousand mothers-in-law. 
Now that wasn't too wise 
for a man reputed to be so. 
 
I thought I should have a go at writing a poem, too!  
I reread Ecclesiastes 12. It suddenly comes across to me in a new way, like a bucket of ice water thrown in my face. 
 
Mia

Written by Bottleblondesurfer (3450 comments posted) 10th March 2008
A very perceptive, if slightly downbeat, comment on human nature; but as you say not to be taken too seriously. Doesn't quite measure up to MacGonnigal; it's far too good. I don't think you can deliberately write bad poetry. You have to be bad and believe it's good, like Macgonnigal. You're too used to writing good verse. I don't know about Ecclesiastes but I thought it reminded my of the wonderful Ivor Cutler,who knew the difference and played in perfectly. 
jane
Had not heard of Ivor
Written by patterjack (1328 comments posted) 10th March 2008
But I have googled him up and have enjoyed what of his I have read so far . 
 
Thanks for the review. Appreciated  
 
Watch out for a weather report in an email a s a p  
 
patterjack 
 
Gran' Man, Yerself.
Written by gerardconnolly (1186 comments posted) 10th March 2008
Never heard of Ivor Cutler!!? Brian, go to the bottom of the class. At once! 
 
More seriously I thouroughly enjoyed reading this. A masterly attempt at parody. If I had any criticism I would say there was a touch of mimmickry. But whose counting. Loved it. 
 
Which is more than I can say for the endless boorish, juvenile repetiton about poetic meter/rhyme/etc. Lets give it a rest. The majority of us couldn't give a toss over whether its plastic bombastic or spastic elastic as long as the poem communicates. Iambic pentameter is a Greek way of saying ' Mine's a small scotch '. OK. Maybe a large scotch. But whatever it certainly pisses off non poets and makes them think that poetry is all about technical jargon and secret language. Give me a break. You don't get prose writers salivating over sentance structure. Least not those prose writers who are gifted and creative. Please don't exclude others and make asses of yourselves by feining to talk amongst yourselves like a private society. 
 
Not to end on a sour note I really did admire your take on McGonnigal. I don't think he would have been too displeased with your effort. By all accounts he was a generous soul and loved those who love words. Which you undoubtedly do. And it shows. 
 
Slan! 
 

Written by Fledermaus (3448 comments posted) 11th March 2008
An interesting thought. And though about chaos, it seems logical. No species has lived forever and nature is unimaginably more powerful than the most powerful human being. Well delivered.
How
Written by audrie (454 comments posted) 11th March 2008
I agree with Gerard about all the floss on metres! 
I've just written a Haiku about it!
Ta Gerard
Written by patterjack (1328 comments posted) 11th March 2008
Gotta agree with you . Communication of content is what the game is about -- in prose or poetry. 
 
:grin In general only critics are foundsalivating over sentance structure. 
 
But ah ! please permit to salivate over the sentence structure of the final paragraphs of Joyce's The Dead 
 
patterjack

Written by Merioneth (79 comments posted) 16th April 2008
Though structure has its place it is not the be-all-end-all. If someone can convey an idea better in iambic pentameter than free verse, great. But it shouldn't be the deciding factor on whether or not a poem is good.  
 
I don't know McGonnigal. I did like this poem, however, even if it was a parody. It was at times quite poigniant.

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