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Poetry
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Obscured
By punchy
09 March 2008


When I saw into your soul
Through obscure and glassy eyes
I found a canyon filled with hope
a curious surprise

When first I heard your mellow tones 
They drilled into my core
My muscles in hypnotic trance 
heart fell to the floor 

The touch from those magnetic hands
Too large to be ignored
Artistically they painted me
Wanted and adored

The longing and the neediness
Rewarded with your love
But love it has no boundaries
And yours became my glove

Reviews
Excellent
Written by mr_soul (126 comments posted) 10th March 2008
I love this poem. The detail and imagery present within it paint a wonderful picture of someone in love. 
"Love" poems are not always my favourite, I find some can be very cheesy and over the top. But this for me hits the nail on the head. For me love is the most important subject to write about and this gives a very believable impression of love and attraction, instead of overblown nonsense thats present in other so-called "love poems". 
A great poem.

Written by Bottleblondesurfer (3566 comments posted) 10th March 2008
I must agree with mr soul. I find love poems can get very cheesy but the directness of this won me over. No flowery imagery or clanging metaphors to over-egg the work, you just cut straight to the chase, as they say.

Written by punchy (535 comments posted) 10th March 2008
Thankyou so much for your reviews I really appreciate them. This actually has a vary dark undertone which I obviously kept a tad too subtle but hey that doesn't matter.

Written by Phil (6959 comments posted) 10th March 2008
Read this last night and couldn't quite get a handle on it. I sensed the darkness but couldn't locate it. Like a coward, I decided to wait until others had commented. Your comment makes me feel a little better. The undertone is there- but it's very understated.  
 
Phil

Written by Bottleblondesurfer (3566 comments posted) 10th March 2008
I'm afraid subtlety is wasted on me but I'm happy to accept it was there.

Written by Fledermaus (3487 comments posted) 10th March 2008
Nice poem. It had a pleasant rythm and the metaphors were very original.

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