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Drama Scripts
Shinely High, Episode 1: A Whole New World
By MMorris1989
11 March 2008

Another peice of writing taken from my cartoon, this time its the scrip from the first episode. comments are greatly apreciated and i will bare all of them in mind. if you like this please go to the short story page and read "Jasmines Dairy"


Shinely High

Episode one- a whole new world

 

Basic plot- Jasmine arrives at Shinely, at the beginning of the episode neither the audience nor Jasmine knows that Joey has also moved. Jasmine and Joey have their first day at the new school, they befriend Sophie and Mark, Jasmine has an encounter with Zoë. We learn that Jasmines mother is difficult, and that Joeys father is very inattentive.

 

Scene one- the train station

Jasmine is walking holding a suitcase with one hand, and pushing a pram containing Daisy with the other. She walks over and meets her mother who is trying to get Tommy to take some bags aswell.

 

Tommy- I can’t carry bags I’m not strong enough! 

 

Mother- your right honey, Jasmine why don’t you take your bags over to the cab and help someone else out for a change, leave Daisy here and take your cat!

 

She hands Jasmine a pat cage containing her cat, Star

 

Jasmine- ok, I was going to help, but this is all I could carry

 

Mother- just do it, I’ve had a long journey don’t you think I deserve some help, its not easy looking after Tommy and Daisy, and you don’t help one bit

 

Jasmine knows this isn’t true as she spent the entire journey holding Daisy, but she gives up and takes her bag and Star to the cab, she returns shortly afterwards for more bags

 

Scene change- the cab

Eventually the entire family get into the cab, Daisy is placed on Jasmines knee, and Star beside her

 

Mother- I don’t know why I agreed to let you have that cat, all it does is eat and sleep, who’s going to look after her while your at school? Me as usual

 

Tommy- I’ll help Mommy, I always help you don’t I?

Mother- yes honey you’re a great help, unlike your sister. You know Jasmine it wouldn’t hurt you to help around the house once in a while

 

Jasmine- Mom I do help, and Star isn’t any trouble, she spends most of the day outside, she only comes inside when I’m home.

 

Her Mother grumbles for a little while longer, eventually Jasmine stops sticking up for herself and the remaining journey is silent

 

Scene change- the empty house

The house is completely empty; it’s already decorated as Jasmines Mother paid a decorator to paint it before they moved in. Jasmine takes her bags up to her room and places them on the floor in the corner. She then returns to what will be the sitting room to wait for her furniture to arrive.

 

The furniture arrives, we see the removal people take it in, and Jasmines Mother bossing them all around, we then skip forward to Jasmine in her room, it is now furnished and she is placing her belongings around the room, on shelves etc. she picks up a drawing and looks at it, it’s a picture of a pack of wolves, zoom in to the writing on the bottom, ‘to Jasmine happy birthday from Joey’ she sighs and looks out of the window. At this moment we see through Jasmines eyes as a car pulls up on the opposite side of the street. A boy with green tipped black hair gets out carrying a large box full of things. Jasmines smiles and rushes from her room.

 

Scene change- Joey’s front lawn

Jasmine runs over, Joey sees her and puts the box down to avoid it getting knocked out of his hands, Jasmine hugs him

 

Jasmine- Joey! What are you doing here? It is you right? you’re not your secret twin brother or anything; please tell me I’m not hugging a random stranger

 

Joey (in a really bad German accent) - I am Hans from Germany, please stop with the hugging

 

Jasmine (giggling) - it is you! Why are you here? are you moving here, or visiting?

 

Joey- Jaz I’m standing outside of an empty house carrying boxes, what do you think I’m doing? 

 

Jasmine- well I dunno you coulda been helping someone else move or something, how did you get your dad to agree to this?

 

Joey- I told him the football team here is better than the one he used to support

 

Jasmine- oh, well I’m glad you’re here

 

Joey- you made any friends yet?

 

Jasmine- I’ve only been here a couple of hours, all I‘ve done is move furniture and stuff

 

Joey- well after I’ve finished getting this stuff into the house we can go on a random walk, I need to learn my new territory

 

Jasmine- don’t you need to help your dad sort things out?

 

Joey- nah he can handle it, he says moving furniture builds muscle

 

Jasmine- ok, just knock on my door when you’re ready

 

Scene change- Jasmines sitting room the following day. Jasmine is drinking a cup of coffee; Star is curled up on her lap. It’s the first day of school; she is waiting for Joey so they can go to school together, she has tried her best to look good for her first day, there isn’t any uniform so she is wearing, a purple jumper, and a pair of denim jeans ripped at the knees and with flower patterns on the pockets, her red hair is kept back from her face with a purple head band. Tommy and their Mother are standing near by, Tommy is in his brand new school uniform, and his Mother is smiling proudly.

 

Mother- you look really hansom, all of the girls will be fighting over you

 

Tommy- thank you, how come Jasmine doesn’t have to wear a uniform?

 

Jasmine- my school doesn’t have a uniform

 

Mother- you could have still made an effort, those jeans have got holes in them for goodness sake!

 

Jasmine- I bought them like this, the holes are supposed to be there

 

Mother- I heard about Joey, I should have known he’d follow you, we all know what his motive is

 

Jasmine- Mom were best friends, he moved here cos he didn’t want us to loose each other, he doesn’t have any other motive

 

Mother- yeah right

 

The doorbell rings

 

Jasmine- that’ll be Joey

 

Jasmine leaves with Joey

 

Scene change- on a path somewhere between Jasmines house and the school. There chatting about what will happen when they arrive, Jasmine is really nervous, Joey is eager and excited at the prospect of meeting new people.

 

Joey: just think Jaz, we could do really well here. It’s a fresh start, we could be popular

 

Jasmine: that doesn’t really make a difference to me, I just wanna survive

 

Joey: you’ll be fine, just try not to make any enemies

 

Jasmine: I never make enemies on purpose Joe, its just sorta happens. I’m not meant to be popular, I’m different, I dunno how, but I just kinda know that I’m gonna mess this school up twice as much as the last one

 

Joey: I don’t think that’s possible; unless you kill the head cheerleader…don’t kill the head cheerleader

 

Jasmine: (laughs) like I could

 

Scene change: They are now in a form class. People are looking in their general direction because they are new. Jasmine is uncomfortable and scared, Joey isn’t really fazed.

 

Joey: see this isn’t so bad

 

Jasmine: are you kidding? Everyone’s staring

 

Joey: duh we are good to look at, plus were new

 

Jasmine giggles and cheers up a bit. Just then two more people enter the room. Sophie and Mark. Sophie is an incredibly pretty girl wearing a long green summer dress, she has wavy brown hair that goes half way down her back. Mark is a similar size and build to Sophie, there is definite family resemblance. Sophie takes a seat next to Jasmine; she introduces herself in a small voice. 

 

Sophie: you must be new, I’m Sophie

 

Jasmine: I’m Jasmine, I just moved here, with Joey (she points at Joey) but not with Joey, we’re not together, or related, I just moved, and so did he, we’re friends, best friends, but not more…

 

Jasmine is cut off by the amused expression on Sophie’s face

 

Sophie: (giggling) I get it

 

Jasmine: I’m sorry, I do that, I get nervous and babble, I’m not really this strange, I just tend to give really bad first impressions

 

Sophie: its ok, you didn’t come off bad, the babbling is kinda cute

 

Jasmine: (blushing) thanks, I think…

 

Joey taps Jasmine on the shoulder

 

Joey: hey, are you ever gonna introduce me to your friend?

 

Jasmine: oh right, Joey Sophie, Sophie Joey

 

Sophie: nice to meet you Joey, this is my brother (points at Mark) his names Mark

 

Mark nods in their general direction but doesn’t speak. Jasmine and Joey say hello

 

Sophie: he doesn’t speak a lot

 

Scene change: outside of the school. Its lunchtime. Jasmine and Sophie are sitting on a wall, Joey is yet to arrive.

 

Sophie: so…tell me about yourself

 

Jasmine: what do you wanna know? There’s a lot of self to talk about, not all of it is interesting

 

Sophie: what was your old school like? Why did you move?

 

Jasmine: (trying to be chirpy, but mildly upset) Well I wasn’t very popular at my old school, people thought I was weird, stuff kept happening, people following me home, breaking the windows. That’s why we moved, there was just to much trouble

 

Sophie: (sympathetically) that’s horrible, why would anyone be mean to you? You’re so sweet, and quirky, and cute

 

After realising that this is the second time she has called Jasmine cute, Sophie frowns at herself and attempts to backtrack

 

Sophie: cute like a kitten

 

Jasmine: (giggles) only less furry

 

Joey arrives; he sits down in the middle of Jasmine and Sophie. They are both disappointed to be interrupted, but neither says anything.   

 

Jasmine: hey Joe, good class?

 

Joey: no it sucked! I don’t like English, my only companion was this little blonde girl, she barley spoke, and when she did it was so boring.

 

Jasmine: aw I’m sure she wasn’t that bad, you should talk to her next time, ask her about movies or something

 

Sophie: I think he’s talking about Saria, she’s really shy, and he’d have to work hard to break her out of her shell.

 

Joey: you’re telling me! I’ll just leave her alone; she can talk to me if she wants to

  

Mark arrives; Sophie looks at him and mouths something, Mark nods

 

Sophie: I have to do something, Jasmine could you help me?

 

Jasmine: what about Joey?

 

Sophie: Mark’s here, he’ll look after him

 

They leave, Joey looks puzzled and watches them walk away.

 

Scene change: a small forest clearing. Jasmine and Sophie are perched on a log in the centre of the clearing.    

 

Jasmine: don’t we have class this afternoon?

 

Sophie: yeah, tutorial, we’re not missing anything

 

Jasmine: won’t we get into trouble for this?

 

Sophie: nah, most people miss tutorial

 

Jasmine: why did you bring me here?

 

Sophie: I wanted to show you this place. Its wear I come when I want to be alone, its pretty isn’t it?

 

Jasmine: it’s beautiful, if you wanna be alone I can just…

 

Sophie: no silly, I want you to be here, I seem like the type of person to appreciate nature, I was raised to love nature, and this place is very special to me. But I’ve never felt anyone to be important enough to share it

 

Jasmine smiles, her eyes gleam, we can see that she is genuinely touched

 

Jasmine: thank you, I’ve never had anyone think of me as important.

 

Sophie: you’re welcome

 

There’s a moment of tension, the two look at each other for a long time

 

Sophie: let’s go for a walk

 

Scene change: a random path

A girl is approaching Jasmine and Sophie as they walk. Sophie looks nervous

 

Jasmine: What’s wrong?

 

Sophie: this could be trouble, that’s Zoë, she’s not so nice

 

Zoë approaches, she grabs Jasmine holding her in place

 

Zoë: what do we have here? Your new (looks at Sophie) are you babysitting for the local freak show again

 

Sophie: stop it, yes she’s new, and there’s nothing wrong with her

 

Zoë: sure, well new girl, you better be happy that your social life isn’t already ruined, you should maybe consider dressing like a normal person, and dying your hair, the nerdy red head look is so…well not even last year, I better go, I don’t want to catch dork-itus

 

Zoë lets Jasmine go and walks off.     

 

Sophie: sorry about that. She’s mean

 

Jasmine: Sophie? Do you…um…never mind

 

Sophie: what?

 

Jasmine: it’s not important

 

There is another “moment” Sophie breaks the silence

 

Sophie- we still have a good half hour before we have to be back at school, lets go back to the log

 

Jasmine- ok

 

They head back to the log, they talk for the rest of the day, and they entirely miss afternoon classes and arrive late home from school. Jasmine’s mother is upset, but Jasmine doesn’t care for once.

 

Scene change- Jasmines room, she is scribbling in her diary, she has a mixed look of confusion and happiness on her face, she goes to lunch, and the camera zooms in on what she’s been writing:

 I made a friend!! And I spoke to her all by myself, no Joey in sight! I don’t know why I spoke to her, I wouldn’t normally speak to people unless they spoke to me first, or if Joey was with me, but something kinda made me go talk to her, a voice in my head was saying that I should, yup I have gone insane. Her name is Sophie, she’s in our form class, she’s shy like me, and she’s really naturey…is that even a word? Joey doesn’t like her, he thinks she’s boring, but I think she’s fascinating. I’m a very academic person, but she knows lots of other things, how to use different plants for things, she’s really cool, I can just tell we are gonna be really super friends. I do get this weird feeling around her though, we keep having the same thoughts, and sometimes time sorta goes funny, that happened today, my Mother wasn't pleased when I was an hour late in from school. The end

Reviews

Written by Bottleblondesurfer (3362 comments posted) 24th March 2008
 
I’m surprised no-one has yet commented on this as it’s a very competent bit of work. Firstly well done on an excellent bit of formatting. It’s clearly laid out and easy to read. I like the way you compress some of the action, like the moving in process. It keeps up the pace 
It’s easy to follow and fast paced which is good. There was one mistake you made a few times. You described things in the heading that can’t be seen in the script e.g. 
 
 
Jasmine knows this isn’t true as she spent the entire journey holding Daisy 
 
You are telling us this in script directions so the watching audience cannot know this. It needs to come out in dialogue. Scripts are odd things to write, you only have action and dialogue to get your message across to reveal plot and intention to the audience. Phrases like that which are fine in narrative stories are pointless in scripts. That needs to be said or acted out by the character. 
 
it’s already decorated as Jasmines Mother paid a decorator to paint it before they moved in." 
 
Same thing applies to this. Have the mother comment on it. 
 
"Jasmine is really nervous, Joey is eager and excited at the prospect of meeting new people." 
 
And this too. You need to show this in action or dialogue 
This is something you need to watch out for but it is very easily fixed. 
 
Also beware of:- 
zoom in to the writing on the bottom, 
 
Try to avoid technical directions like that. They only appear on a shooting script 
Better to say ‘ We can clearly see…….’ 
 
I liked the dialogue it was sparky with neat touches of humour. It felt like the real thing,definitely your strong point. 
 
I think the coincidence of Joey moving next door needs a bit more explanation. It they are good friends surely she would have known. She would have, at least, seen the “For Sale” sign in their garden. Moving is not something you can do in secret. 
I wasn’t too sure about ending with the diary entry. It might be difficult to film. 
 
I’m guessing you’re still at school as you captured the atmosphere and the relationships very well. 
There were quite a few typos, fire up the spell checker. 
All in all a good beginning but you will need to introduce more conflict soon. 

Written by MMorris1989 (6 comments posted) 25th March 2008
thank you Bottleblondesurfer, i'm not really used to writing scripts, i'm usually more of a short story person, i decided to write the script simply because the comic stips i do during my spare time havn't been seen by anybody, and it's difficult to get everything across in a story. 
 
i was mainly guessing about the correct layout, thanks for correcting my mistakes i'll remember them for next time. 
 
the thing about Joey moving is difficult to explain. the whole thing with Shinely was always that each of the characters has their own set of story's, when i post Joey's on the short story section it'll explain totally why and how he moved. Also Joey and his Dad have a car whereas Jasmine arrived by train, if Jasmine left first Joey would have a window to pack and move afer she'd left.

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