Wild music played loudly every beat from the over tuned bass sending a painful vibration through her head. Small talk sounded from every corner and it was impossible to hear her very own thoughts. The air was foggy and smelled of cigarette smoke coming from 2/3 of the people. Most of them were only party smokers but even they could easily go through a whole pack on a night. Emma looking around spotted a teacher and felt sorry for them having to be there. She was, after all, there almost willingly. Or was she? It was actually her friend, Jennifer, who had begged her to come.

“I don’t want to sit alone all night with nobody to talk to,” she had said. Emma knew that she would find some guy and abandon her in no time but she just could not say no to Jen. So Emma had left almost willingly and only one hour had past before Jen was in the arms of a guy and she was the one left alone. Now after having waited for two hours she decided that her headache would kill her before the smoke and she tried to find Jen without luck. Instead she asked the least drunk guy she could find to tell Jen she had left when he saw her. Knowing he would forget it she left thinking it did not really matter as Jen probably had forgotten her anyway. She sat at a table near the exit for a while hoping to spot Jen before leaving. She did not like departing her friend without her knowing it.

In the mean time across the dancing floor was a man standing watching her. He was there partly because he wanted to and partly because it was part of his job. Luckily, he thought, was it almost midnight and another would come to cover the rest of the shift. He kind of liked to watch at parties because it showed people, many who he thought he knew, from a different and more free side. And it was not because he loved to see them make mistakes but because it got him thinking of the time when he was young. If only his ears could still stand the loud music.

He was leaning against the wall watching one of his students he had hoped to see that night. She had fascinated him for a long time because he could not seem to figure her out. He had hoped to see a different and perhaps more wild side of her tonight but she had surprised her and acted as always. He wondered, while guarding her, why she was so different from the others. She had not seen him from were he was standing and did not know he was looking at her. Another thing that made him wonder was her being there at all. She did not seem to enjoy it so why had she come?

When it was a little pas midnight the music seemed nothing but a never ending beat and he knew it was enough for him. He looked in her direction one last time thinking she ought to head home too when he saw she was leaving. She had picked up her bag and jacket and was taking a final glance around for her friend without luck.

When finally stepping outside she took a few deep breaths cleaning her lungs with fresh air. The night was quiet and she stood a moment waiting until the beating in her head stopped. Then she turned on her phone and tried without hope to call Jen. She got her answering machine. Then she gave up and said to herself, “you have done all you could.”

She started down the sidewalk in a slow pace when she heard someone calling from behind.

“Emma!” She turned around expecting it to be some guy who knew were Jen might be but to her surprise it was Charlie who came running towards her.

“Hey,” she said looking puzzled as he came up to her.

“Are you heading home?” He asked hoping she was. She simply nodded her head a little still looking a bit confused.

“Alone?” He did not realize how fatherly it sounded until he had said it.

“Yes why?” She replied laughing a little by his concern.

“Nothing I just… Would you mind me walking you home?” She was both surprised and confused over his sudden offer but thought it nice of him to ask. She really did not like to go home at night by her self even though she knew perfectly well that nothing would happen.

“You really don’t have to!” She agued hopeful that he still would insist. And he did.

“It’s not a problem! I really don’t like you walking home alone this time at night.” He said again surprised of how fatherly he sounded without meaning to at all. “I am walking and in the same way as you anyway.” He hurried to point out without thinking how wrong that sounded. A teacher knowing were a student lives? Truth to be told he did not know the exact location but close. He had seen her waiting at a corner many mornings when biking to school and also driven by her a few times.

Emma appeared to be considering his offer for a while. “Okay, if it’s really not a problem.” She had not been pondering his offer but the fact that he knew where she lived. But then shortly after she realized why. But how come he remembered? Charlie smiled pleased and held out his arm. She put hers around it thinking what a gentleman. It still, to her, felt a little odd walking so close to him.

“Not to sound fatherly for the third time tonight,” he said and she laughed feeling the tension fade. “But I do feel better about walking you home safely. You save me from a sleepless night wondering about you being okay. You never know what could happen on a Friday night at this hour!” She doubted that he would have thought about her at all if they had not seen each other but it was nice of him to say.

As they passed a tree she noticed a bike, his bike, parked against it. She remembered seeing him arrive and parking it there earlier when standing across the street talking to her friends. She thought about it for moment wondering why he had said he was walking when he really was not. Was he really concerned about her safety? He probably would have been with any girl! He just happened to see me walking alone! Coincidence that is all!

“You look beautiful,” he said. She blushed even though she knew he’d said it out of kindness just like asking to walk her home. It is his nature to be a gentleman! It was like she was arguing with herself. Part of her wanted to believe that he did and said those things only to her because he cared for her more than the rest but that would be ridiculous, she knew, and kept telling herself in her mind that it was all out of kindness. Would he really leave his bike and walk home for everyone? Maybe not boys but probably the girls he knew. They walked for a while without talking and she gave up her discussing with herself and enjoyed the fact the she was not walking alone but arm in arm with a wonderful man. Teacher! Teacher!

“You did not seem to enjoy the party much?” He said breaking the silence as they reached a corner and turned down a less noisy road. He noticed me at the party? Off course he did! He was there to watch people!

“I’m not much of a party girl,” she said trying to sound as natural as possible. After saying it she realized how stupid it sounded.

“Mind if I ask why not?” He smiled at her and she knew that however she said it she would sound like overplaying her age. Truth is that she simply were more mature than people her age.

“I just don’t see the point in getting drunk, have fun a few ours, get sick and throw up before falling asleep. Then waking up with no memory at all from it but knowing you did something you will regret.” She paused a second thinking of how to undo the maturity. “And I know you can drink and have fun without the memory loss and embarrassing episodes and sickness but at these parties you drink till you throw up or you don’t. And I would rather not then.” It is impossible to sound cool when saying you do not like to drink and that is a fact!

He nodded understandingly with a thoughtful expression. “I understand why you don’t like to drink like that but not why you can’t drink controllably.”

“I guess you can but once you start with one drink people just keep bringing a new and you can not say no when they bought if for you and then you get more drunk and then you drink more and it is an evil circle.” Again Charlie nodded understandingly. They were not walking arms in arms anymore but it was more comfortable to Emma that way.

“Why did you go to the party if you knew it would be like that?” He asked after a short time of silence. She smiled at his question knowing that she would, again, sound over mature.

“My friend begged me to go. She did not want to go alone and she thought it would be fun for me.”

“Where is you friend now?” He asked already knowing the answer.

“She, off course, found a guy after a while and left. I could not find her so I decided to go home.” She became aware of how cruel it sounded but she was used to it.

“What a nice friend you have,” he replied with a sense of irony.

“It sounds awful I know, but she is really sweet and all. Guys are just, well good to come in the way.” She said humorous and he laughed easily.

“We are quiet good at that, aren’t we?” He said thinking of how much he enjoyed the conversation.

They walked close together without speaking for a while taking in the moment. The moonlight was shinning bright from the sky above. It wasn’t full moon as in the perfect romantic fairytales but both thought it didn’t matte. They’d learned that the surroundings only were romantic if you saw them that way, and they did. It was a starry night too. They could easily make out several star signs. The water looked like it was full of diamonds shinning likes treasures from the deep. There wasn’t any noise from cars and almost no people at all. They’d only passed some dog walkers. The night was almost dead except from the shadows moved by a cool breeze. It also brought extra magic to the glimmering water witch moved calmly like dancing to a lullaby. As they walked down the path that lead around the lake surrounded by buildings and chaotic city everything seemed like something from a movie. The magic of that night took away the cold and uneasiness from the dark. Emma had no fear that night as she walked side by side with a man she’d come to care deeply for. She could not believe she was walking next to him on his request.

Emma thought for a moment how everything had not turned out the way she first thought it would. She thought back at the day she first meet her knew teacher. It brought a smile to her lips thinking how unlike a teacher he was.

“What are you thinking?” He asked seeing her smile mysteriously. She looked at him for a moment wondering if she should share her thoughts. He would probably find it amusing she thought.

“I was just remembering the first day we saw you. It is funny how things don’t turn out the way we expect.” I know exactly what you mean he thought remembering the first time he saw her.

“It is funny, but also kind of nice. If everything turned out like expected life would be very boring.”

“True, we live for the surprises and unexpected and we fear the unknown.” Her words got him thinking of his first impression of her. She surprised him by saying something smart just like she had done now and done all year. He wondered how she could do that all the time. Surprising him with her wisdom that is. She never said what he anticipated. He pondered this recalling all the times she had said something wise and left him stunned. Not only did she knew a lot of things that got him questioning her age but she also knew more things about life than he sometimes did. She also saw things in a different perspective often a better one. While contemplating these things Emma walked beside him still evoked in the memory of their first encounter. She thought of the time she was told something that had bothered her ever since. She decided to take a chance and ask him. What is the worst that can happen right?

“Why aren’t you and your girlfriend married?” She said breaking the silence between them. “I mean you’ve studied priest and you have a child without being married?” She gave him a puzzled look. He looked down with a faint smile as if he was quietly laughing to himself of her curiosity. She feared she’d asked a too personal question. “I’m sorry it’s really not my business,” she said feeling like an idiot. She should not have asked.

“No it’s okay. It doesn’t make any sense I know. But there are many reasons why we aren’t married. First, I studied priest but I didn’t become one!” He said giving her a smile. “Second, we are not together anymore.”

“Why?” She asked even more puzzled.

“Well it was wrong of us to be together. We simply didn’t love one another like that. She is older than me and we’ve been friends for a long time. None of us were seeing anyone and hadn’t been on a date for a long time. She was beginning to be afraid that it would be too late for her to have children once she finally found a guy and I also wanted children. We started seeing each other after that and then she got pregnant and we were both happy about it. By then I though it was a good idea. I cared about her and her about me. Our dreams were coming true. Then the baby was born and she took all our time. I didn’t have time to notice that it wasn’t a good idea. After a while I finally got my eyes up and realized that I’d settled with what would be enough and I really wanted more. I didn’t just want to be with someone I care about but with someone I love. We talked about it and she felt the same way. She also told me she’d been dating behind my back. I didn’t get mad because I understood her but we agreed to split up. Silje should grow up in a home with to people who really loved each other and not just her.”

They’d reach the lakes when he’d finished the story. She knew he’d told her something deep and personal that no one else would know. He must have trusted her she thought feeling honoured.

”So…” He said after a while in silence. “Now you’ve heard my sad love story. Tell me yours?” He looked at her almost expecting a story worth publishing. She paused and looked down as they slowly walked side by side. He got more anxious every second and anticipated a more tragic story than his own. He wondered if that was the reason for her being so amazing. They passed a bench by a light post and she sat down in the dim light and motioned for him to join her. She gave a faint smile as trying to look happy without luck.

“I don’t have one.” She said with a sweet sadness and looked at him still smiling tenderly. He was surprised but somehow knew that she wouldn’t. He’d thought she would but it made perfectly sense that she didn’t though he didn’t know why.

“May I ask why that is?” He said curiously. She exhaled and glanced at the glimmering water.

“I don’t know,” she said sincerely with a faint hope in her voice. “A thousand reasons I guess. Maybe it’s because the guy who is perfect for you, sweet and loving, just doesn’t give you the butterflies. You like him a lot but he’s too sweet or too loving. I don’t know. It’s only the wrong guys that give you butterflies.” She smiled by the odd coincidence.

“That doesn’t seem fair, does it?” He said understanding her entirely and feeling a little sad by it.

“Maybe not,” she said gazing at him with the sweetness and innocent he’d come to love.

“And why are these guys wrong for you?” He asked thinking he already knew the answer.

“Many reasons too. Maybe because they are popular and doesn’t date girls like me; or because they are from a different class or a different country or religion. Maybe they are too old or just too good.

I don’t think it’s wrong to love a guy who is older or from a different background. I don’t think it’s wrong to like any guy no matter what. The world is so anxious about ethics in love. They don’t realize that be saying something is wrong they’re putting limits on love. Not only that but they are punishing those who fall in love with a guy who in their eyes a wrong. They are punishing an innocent. I mean we have no control over our hearts and we can’t help who we love and don’t. Those who say it’s wrong to love an older guy are cynics who have never been in love because then they would know that they shouldn’t stop to people from being together by saying it is wrong. That would be wrong!” She talked without looking him in the eyes. “There’s no right and wrong in love. That’s why it’s so amazing.” She said finally looking at him. She’d surprised him once more. It was nowhere near the answer he’d thought. He was amazed by this clever 19 year old girl who knew more about life than he did but had tried less than half of what he’d experienced. "I'm sorry for that speech! I'm always over thinking things. It's gonna be my downfall.

“No! I think it is amazing!" He said to quickly to realize it. Bye the look on her face he could tell that he shouldn't have.

"But you said the guys who gave you the butterflies were wrong for YOU?” He said hurried.

“They are according to the world and everyone else thinks so. And when you’re all alone against so many it’s hard to keep fighting. So you give up. Even thought it might be something worth fighting for. I don’t know why.” He heard once more the sweet sadness when she spoke.

“Maybe the same reason I was in a relationship with a woman I didn’t love. Because we don’t want to be alone?” She looked him in the eyes and saw the same fear, desire and sorrow she’d been feeling for so long. The fear of ending alone, the desire to be with someone she loved and the sorrow of knowing it might never happen. The loneliness she’d felt disappeared slightly and left some comfort she hadn’t felt in a long time. She wondered if he felt it too. She understood his actions but still felt them wrong.

“I would never have done that… Be with someone I don’t love,” she said in a whisper afraid to hurt him but wanting to tell the truth. “It wouldn’t be fair. I mean I know I wouldn’t want to be enough. When you’re being kissed and he’s thinking of someone else hurts more than not being kissed at all because it’s the same as being alone and you’re also keeping the guy from getting his true love. I don’t want that so I don’t do it to others even if it means I’ll be living alone.”

They sat in silence gazing on the water. It was late at night. Darkness was surrounding them as time went by. The traffic noise was fainting away and replaced by winter stillness. A cold breeze was playing with the shadows of the trees bringing the night to live. The almost full moon was shining brightly from the northern sky. It was a clear and starry night. The water reflected each shining star like a diamond in the deep. Waves calmly danced to the lullaby of the wind and the trees. The night seemed almost magical as they sat close together without speaking. Neither of them knew how long they’d been sitting like that and it didn’t matter. They just saved the moment in their memories so that in hard times they could look back and remember how life can be miraculous.

“I don’t understand it,” he said all the sudden. She looked at him with surprise by his sudden words not understanding them either.

“You know so much about life and have tried so little. You didn’t have to do what I did to know it was wrong. It took me 2 years to figure out what you already knew. I’m so amazed by you that I can’t even begin to explain it. You take my breath away.” He said holding her tiny hand in is looking at her beautiful eyes. She sat almost holding her breath astonished by his words not sure what he was saying.

“Every thing you say,” He continued, “makes perfect sense to me and I would never have thought of it. Every time I ask you a question witch has as many right answers as there are people in the world and then you come with one that sounds like the only right solution.” He leaned closer still looking her in the eyes witch still looked puzzled. “I think I’m doing what the world would think is wrong,” he said holding around her neck coming so close that she could feel his breath on her skin. Then he kissed her. She didn’t comprehend why he did it or what had led to that moment. She was confused and everything made sense at the same time. She’d wanted it for a long time and he’d been in her dreams even longer. Maybe he’d read her desire in her eyes and felt sorry for being the wrong guy who gave her the butterflies.

It was her first kiss from a boy. She’d read about them and even blindly written about them in her stories. Now as her dream had come true, and she was kissing the boy she’d been afraid of dreaming of, all her stories seemed impossible dreadful as she knew her many descriptions of a kiss were nowhere near the truth. The truth was indescribable.

It ended after what seemed like a second or a lifetime. She opened her eyes still feeling his warm hand on her neck. He was still close to her. Not close enough she thought. He gazed at her lips and then her eyes with a desire, fear and sorrow she’d seen before only stronger. She felt it to. Desire to kiss him once again, fear of what would happen next and sorrow for the damage she’d cost.

“I’m so sorry,” he said removing his hand from her neck and pulling away from her. “I shouldn’t have done that. Forgive me?” When she looked him in the eyes the desire and fear had disappeared and left only sorrow and pain.