Perhaps my view of Scandinavia is too romantic, but it's certainly a beautiful region. Set to the tune of Sweden's national anthem.
I dream of a beautiful land in the north,
Of forests, of vast lakes and meadows so green.
The warm midnight sun shining upon my face
Yes, I know where to find a lovely country.
Yes, I know where to find a lovely country.
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Hi Fledermaus
Written by jean.day (2266 comments posted) 11th March 2008 |
Yes, Scandanavia is a beautiful area - but in my experience of a holiday in the northern mountains of Norway, I felt quite depressed. The mountains were too high somehow for me to feel comfortable. Maybe it is the extremes - too light in summer, too cold in winter, too high, etc. But a nice place, all the same.
And I enjoyed reading your work. |
Scandanavia
Written by Josie (2780 comments posted) 11th March 2008 |
No-one can disagree with you Fledermaus on the subject you have written about: Scandanavia. It is indeed a wonderful part of the world. Your first three lines were, I would say, perfect examples of four iambic feet per line, but you, sadly, lost that good meter in your last two lines which I feel is a great shame but easily remedied if you changed the last two lines to:
My heart’s far away in a country I love.
(four iambic feet to match earlier lines).
I'm paying more attention now that we are working on this in our workshop. Hope you don't mind that I told you. The others may have other ideas, or not comment.
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It is a chaming place we share
Written by emmahazel (5 comments posted) 11th March 2008 |
| I'm from Denmark but passes through Sweden from time to time and I gotta say I enjoy that train ride more than anyting! So peaceful and beautiful when you pass the country. And you've written it beautiful too! |
I am assuming...
Written by patterjack (1179 comments posted) 11th March 2008 |
... that this fits the tune of the anthem . I don't know it so cannot comment .
The content is typically anthem-ish and suitable .
However , I can say that line 1 begins with an iamb which is followed by three anapaests
I cannot fit iambs to the eleven syllables in each of the next two lines either .
This does not mean a thing really -- as one can juggle the emphases to make 4 heavy stresses in those lines , but they are not part of iambs
vast lakes andmidnight sun seem to me to require heavy stresses on all syllables
The emedation has the same problem
Do you care ? I wouldn't !
patterjack |
Quite honestly
Written by audrie (451 comments posted) 11th March 2008 |
I couldn't give a tinker's damn about all these metres that keep on cropping up.
I shall probably offend all the real poets on site but I just know what I like, and feel that knowing too much about metre spoils it for some of us.
Emendation?Anapaests? Iambs? Who cares? If it sounds good then why try to fit it into the CORRECT metre?
I've never been to Scandinavia, but your description of it makes me want to go, Fled. Nice work. |
Written by patterjack (1179 comments posted) 11th March 2008 |
Emendation?Anapaests? Iambs? Who cares? If it sounds good then why try to fit it into the CORRECT metre?
If you look closely , Audrie , you may see that that was the point I was making , underlying the review .
See the last two words I wrote
patterjack |
Written by fellpony (1603 comments posted) 12th March 2008 |
I don't know the melody of Sweden's national anthem, so in my opinion the metrical qualities of the "anthem" cannot be fairly commented on. This is a problem with lyrics of any kind - it is not just the words which have the effect in the whole piece, but without the music it is hard to judge how good the effect is.
Those who are practising metrical strictness in order to learn about the shape of words and pattern of metrical lines will, I hope, develop flexibility in their next exercises, so let's not go into tangles about metre here. |
Written by audrie (451 comments posted) 12th March 2008 |
My problem is, I don't know the meaning of half these words, so it's not so much a critical comment, as me showing my ignorance!!
Sorree, Brian, yes I did read the last two lines. |
Written by Fledermaus (3246 comments posted) 12th March 2008 |
Wow! What a lot of reviews! 
Thanks everyone.
Jean. Yes, Noway; I can't remember very much about it as i was very small when I visited that, but Sweden is lovely.
Josie. I think the last lines do fit with the tune of the Swedish anthem. They aren't perfect, but not that horrible I think.
Emma: Thanks. Yes, Sweden just has a certain... Something
Patterjack: Thanks for the thorough analysis. I don't think the poem is brilliant, but I enjoyed writing it 
Audrie: Thanks. Yes, it's certainly worth a visit.
Sue: Yes, that's the problem with lyrics indeed. Sometimes bad lyrics make good songs and sometimes good poems make bad lyrics. |
Written by Phil (6683 comments posted) 12th March 2008 |
This comes across well, Fledermaus.
I happen to think that it's commendable that people want to find out about the mechanics of verse. However, the same mechanics shouldn't be applied - correctly or incorrectly - to every piece of poetry. If we had one size fits all - what a boring world it would be.
As FP said - this h the ring of an anthem about it. Never been there, but it sounds great.
Phil |
Anapaests etc
Written by Josie (2780 comments posted) 12th March 2008 |
These words are no harder than learning: ti ti TUM (are you there) for the anapaest - or for Iambic - ti TUM as in iAM (I am). Big words meaning little things I'm afraid.
If you heard it in music, you would know it as crochets, quavers, semi-quavers, and the anapaest would equal:
ti ti tum - two light beats and one heavy one - but it just sounds grand when people add these words to their reviews. You can easily learn how easy they are in the Poets' Tavern following the simple instruction of my friend Stephen Fry, who couldn't put it in an easier way. It is well worth learning and can improve your poetry writing no end.
You have four stressed beats here:
I DREAM of a BEAUtiful LAND in the NORTH,
Clap them, starting on the light beat followed by the heavy beat (iambic) which is in capitals. Not difficult at all.
Now, in "My HEART'S far aWAY in a COUNtry I LOVE (as I suggested) - also has four iambic feet that you can clap too. I can tell you this: Shakespeare, Milton, Wordsworth and even many modern writers care, and they practised their metre every day so that what they presented to people was THE BEST not just anything.
So it makes sense that if you want your poem to be perfect the meter in this poem, line by line, that the last two lines need to have the same stressed beats. A musician could easily see this.
Don't be put off by big words because they don't mean much.
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Written by Fledermaus (3246 comments posted) 12th March 2008 |
Thanks Phil and thanks again Josie.
I'm not going to pretend I know any Swedish, guss I should leave that for William, Bagheera and a few others, but the last line of the original is either:
Din sol, Din himmel, Dina ängder gröna
or:
Ja, jag vill leva jag vill dö i Norden
I wanted to stick to that tune as much as possible, although you're probably right that it isn't the best line I could have come up with. |
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