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`Placebos ruined my life` |
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By woody44
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11 March 2008 |
Two in one day- I MUST be having trouble with my scriptwriting...
Mrs Jane Tanner, from Cumbria is suing her local Health authority after claiming that taking a course of Placebos during a medical trial has ruined her life.
`If I had known this was going to happen I would never have agreed to the trial in the first place,` said a distraught Mrs Tanner yesterday. `Sex is now unbearably painful and as a result my husband has left me. I am covered from head to foot in a red, blistery rash and my nipples are constantly weeping.`
When Mrs Tanner first started having the symptoms the medical team thought she had been given the wrong tablets, but it was quickly realised that she had, in fact, been given the placebo for the whole of the experiment.
Dr Mark Webster of the Medical Ethics Committee has ordered an immediate enquiry into the case and has assured Mrs Tanner that everything possible will be done to find out how this seemingly harmless pill could have had such devastating results.
In the meantime Mrs Tanner is trying to bring some normality back to her life by returning part time to her old job at the Sellafield nuclear Plant.
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Written by Bottleblondesurfer (3136 comments posted) 12th March 2008 | Never mind,Roger, it's all grist to the mill; as long as it keeps you writing. I thought this was a perfectly structured piece, just the right length and leading us to a great punch line that we we're expecting.
It looks as if they are going to have to change it's name yet again. |
Written by coosh (822 comments posted) 12th March 2008 | | Love the idea of the sort of "double logic" or "anti-logic" with the placebo, and a great last line. Someone at Sellafield is bound to find the blistery rash a turn-on, but "weeping nipples" should be in Poetry. Very enjoyable. |
Written by Phil (6393 comments posted) 12th March 2008 | Enjoyed this - well paced and structured. A very easy read that led o the punch line.
Also enjoyed Coosh's comment relating to poetry. I think you should take him up on it. An angsty piece on weeping nipples - metaphorical or otherwise - would go down rather well. If you manage to do it in iambic pentameter, all the better. It's all the rage, apparently.
Phil |
Written by coosh (822 comments posted) 13th March 2008 | Gimme a tipple
From your weeping nipple
Before ya teats go black
And start to crack
Gimme a flash
O' your blistery rash
Where the cuckoo spits
On your iambic tits
Is that pentameter... or just bollocks? | Yee har!
Written by woody44 (761 comments posted) 13th March 2008 | Jane- I heard they are thinking of renaming it `The Melvyn Bragg sustainable energy Plant` Many thanks.
David- I was thinking of setting the `weeping nipples` to music, probably Country and Western, but your poetry is much more heart-rending .As to whether it is in iambic pentameter, I haven`t got a clue. Thanks.
Phil - I think we should get together with David and produce a hit single. A provisional title could be something like, `The ballad of nipple-weeping Nancy` Perhaps not... Many thanks. |
Written by coosh (822 comments posted) 13th March 2008 | | Country & Western!! Look forward to the Dolly Parton audition... can she handle angsty iambic?... nipples a weepin' nine to five... | Sounds like a Scottish hotel to me
Written by fortunato364 (21 comments posted) 21st March 2008 | | Spend a relaxing weekend at The Weeping Nipples. Married couples and newlyweds welcome. Set in magnificent rugged mountain scenery with cascading highland streams..... |
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