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Poetry
Walking an Old English field
By Veronica_Milvus
13 March 2008
Describes a walk I did last Sunday.

WALKING AN OLD ENGLISH FIELD
 

I trudge, tight-scarved, along a trod-down way;

heavy clods of clay clumping on boot-edges

across the stile swinging.  A brightening day

brings stripes of sunlight slanting through the hedges.

 

Through frosted furrow, strewn with flinty pebbles

goes galloping the gangling long-boned hare

while lyrically the lark in liquid trebles

pours out its passion on the peaceful air.

 

The blackthorn blossoms on the branch appear

in froth of flower.  A fox trots by

causing a clattering pheasant’s cry of fear.

Kites wheel and whistle in the windy sky.

 

For the hope that is April is dancing outdoors

with daffodils bobbing their yellow applause.

Reviews
Alliteration plus ...
Written by patterjack (1196 comments posted) 13th March 2008
... and it is almost a sonnet as well -- it would be if it had a stronger versa, to change the line of development  
 
Summary couplet works well -- good image in the last line . 
 
It is a very successful exercise in poetic usage -- yet as an exercise it lacks a little vitality , being a bit catalogue-ish.  
 
But a sterling effort on the whole . 
 
patterjack 
 

Written by fellpony (1617 comments posted) 13th March 2008
Parts of this I liked very much. You are enjoying alliteration! I liked the line about the kites. I agree with Brian that a turn of thought for the second part of the poem would have given it a more classic sonnet form. 
 
At the risk of being dubbed part of the Metric Mafia, did you mean to change the metre in the last couplet? It jarred with me a little.

Written by Veronica_Milvus (637 comments posted) 13th March 2008
ah - the last two lines were what camr to me first and try as I might I couldn't get them out of 3/4 time. Brian suggested I put them in anyway but I think they probably do need to be hammered into iambs. But after my experience in the metre police at least I know that they are in a different metre!

Written by Bottleblondesurfer (3362 comments posted) 13th March 2008
I'm staying well clear of commenting on form, but as a description I couldn't fault it.. It was clearly painted and I could picture the scenes. What was missing for me was how it affected you, your response to it. In poems like this I like to take vicarious pleasure in the writer's enjoyment and reaction. Perhaps it's just me, but it felt a bit journalistic in style. If that was your intent you certainly succeeded. 
This isn't really a crit is it? I'm just saying what I would have liked to see in it but it may not be that sort of poem 
cheers 
Jane

Written by Phil (6730 comments posted) 13th March 2008
Mind not quite made up. As Jane, I felt you kept your distance - but I did enjoy your descriptions and they were easy to picture. As for alliteration, a little overdone for me. I never think the repeated Bs work well unless you're getting angry. 
 
I did enjoy it though. Just some very inexpert reflections. 
 
Phil

Written by Robru (219 comments posted) 15th March 2008
I enjoyed reading this poem. It's almost a sonnet but has varying speeds throughout. I find the last two lines, the couplet,almost lyrical. 
A really good read. 
 
Bob

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