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By mosw30987
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13 March 2008 |
I am only a 9 year old and I hope you like my story. Kursowa struck Starstriker whith his mighty samurai sword. Starstriker struck back with his elite volt sword. The two robots were worst enemies since they were built. They had been searching for each other for 3000 years. All out of hatred. For 3000 years they had been waiting to destroy each other. Now the time has come. The time when one of them will be victorios, while the other one will be on the ground, destroyed. Their creater Proffessor Punty is out there, looking for them, trying to stop the war. "so, we meet again Starstrker". "so we have Kursowa, but it will be the last time". Starstirker stabbed Kursowa on the tummy. Kurowa then dis-armed Starstriker and slashed his chest. For 100 years this war carried on. Until they both fell to the ground... destroyed.|
Written by Fledermaus (3159 comments posted) 13th March 2008 | It's a good plot, but I'm sure you could do more with it. Of course, as you're only nine years old, you have enough time to practice writing. So maybe you could make this bigger: Why did the two robots hate each other? Why did the professor build them? How comes he still lives after 3000 years? Why did he fail to stop their fight?
Asking yourself questions about your own story and trying to answer them often helps your story grow.
 | I ADORE you!
Written by mia_ms_kim (891 comments posted) 14th March 2008 | I love your story. A little violent, but they are robots, so maybe it's cool. I think you have rich imagination and you express yourself very clearly. I used to read this kind of story when I was a child.
I love the ending. Both were destroyed after 3000 years of searching for each other, and 100 years of fighting. It's deep. It reminds me of a certain species on our planet. I think grownups say at such times, 'Out of the mouth of babes...'
Maybe next time you can ask a grownup to help you with typing and spelling, and putting in line breaks. Then it will look better and read better.
Please, keep writing. I think you are very good.
Mia  |
Written by mosw30987 (17 comments posted) 14th March 2008 | thanks everybody
i really appreciate me
Fareed  |
Written by mosw30987 (17 comments posted) 14th March 2008 | i meant i really appreciate it
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