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Written by mia_ms_kim (1019 comments posted) 14th March 2008 |
You are really good at short poignant poems. What a way to describe the basic human fear. I feel it.
Mia |
Written by Diddi (80 comments posted) 14th March 2008 |
| Thank you Mia. they're not really poems but thoughts I concentrate down to their bare bones. I usually say to myself "what do I want to say, find it's essence." |
Written by Josie (2798 comments posted) 14th March 2008 |
| Too true. Not really a poem, so why write it and post it on a Poetry Website where some of us spend hours on end trying to get our poems perfect before posting them, may I ask? Good poets won't want their hard work put here if they see this, and read your above remark. |
Written by Phil (6738 comments posted) 14th March 2008 |
I disagree. There's more than enough room here for all kinds. While this doesn't appeal to me, it sounds too jokey - and one I've heard before, your previous short worked very well. It captured a certain beauty and moment.
This may not be poetry, I wouldn't like to say - but it is certainly worth posting and reading. I guess it fits this forum better than any other. If it communicates well, I'm all for it.
Phil |
Written by Diddi (80 comments posted) 14th March 2008 |
So far I've got one for and one against it; that's good for me.
How am I going define and improve my writing unless I get the 'fors' and the 'againsts' I need the discipline of poetry for my prose writing.
Poetry and all its styles are part of my word palette, as are articles and essays.
If I am trying to define a thought poetically, I need to throw it to the poets, even such a one as this ersatz Oscar Wilde one.
I can only learn from you, but not from the distance of the short story page. I have to go where I will find the knowledge that I know I need. |
To Josie,
Written by Diddi (80 comments posted) 15th March 2008 |
thank you for your private message, however, I think conversations started in a public situation should stay that way. I also do not wish to join workshops, I'm far too old for structured learning.
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Well I like it!
Written by book_worm (13 comments posted) 15th March 2008 |
Who is to say this doesn't belong in the poetry section? And why? Are there rules that state this isn't long enough or should rhyme? And for all we know, this took HOURS to write!
You've got another "for" here  I really like it. |
Written by Veronica_Milvus (641 comments posted) 15th March 2008 |
I think it has something to say, although rather epigrammatic. Not every poem has to be the Ancient Mariner.
The flash typeface makes it look a little bit like some sort of plaque you might buy in a gift shop, though. I think the words ought to stand up for themselves without fancy layout. |
Another
Written by patterjack (1202 comments posted) 15th March 2008 |
*for* for you -- modified perhaps.
I agree with Veronica -- epigrammatic-- and the font does make it look like an epitaph even , a slightly jocular one .
So it has its own form and a content that , although not deep , is nevertheless there.
I am reminded of a saying of my father's ( a Stoke on Trent man ) whose answer to the question What did so-and-so die of ? was always Shortage of breath
patterjack |
I think
Written by audrie (451 comments posted) 15th March 2008 |
Josie was very hard on you. I thought it was succinct and so honest.
Agree the type was a bit over the top and squashed, but
it's your poem, you can do what you like with it. |
Written by Diddi (80 comments posted) 15th March 2008 |
Isn't it amazing what font and size can do. I thank all those who took the time to read this little piece. The original version scared me a bit, as I found it to be too bleak. However, it is interesting to compare the two versions, and the emotions each one evokes.
As to Josie being too hard on me. It doesn't matter you know. After all, what is a comment? It is only one person's opinion. Nothing more. |
Written by mia_ms_kim (1019 comments posted) 15th March 2008 |
Sorry for revealing my ignorance again, but I thought a poem was anything shorter than prose, divided up into nice blocks for visual effect. I thought this piece could be a 'westernised Haiku'??? 
Josie's comment seems to have drawn the attention of GW's big muscle poets on this poem (or whatever it should be called - can someone clarify?), so it turned out to be a good thing in the end, for all of us who want to learn. So all publicity is good publicity, sometimes negative one is even better, in my humble opinion.
I just know I felt Didi's poem, thought, epitah, epigram, song, lyric, lament, chant, haiku, taiku, kungfu (whatever it was!) spoke to me.
Mia  |
Written by Diddi (80 comments posted) 15th March 2008 |
One of the reasons this piece is in the poetry side is because it says in the site guidelines/rules the length of an item(word count) Poetry is excluded.
Mia, thank you for an interesting, entertaining post. I am pleased, however, that it spoke to you. |
Written by fellpony (1619 comments posted) 16th March 2008 |
I agree it is a poem - not the most spectacular, novel or even the most succinct that I've read on this topic; but a sound attempt. I don't know that I agree with the sentiment, though. I have no fear of being dead (absence of breath) only of the process of dying - the reverse of what you're saying, Diddi!
"a poem was anything shorter than prose, divided up into nice blocks for visual effect" In which case an extract from a telephone directory would qualify. Sorry Mia, I don't think that's a very good definition. The Greek meaning is something "made or created" - my personal interpretation is that it's something memorably phrased, concentrated language conveying much more than the actual words; something that brings a subject into close focus and creates a magical space around it for us to contemplate its total meaning.
Look what you've started, Diddi! |
Oops! Sorry!
Written by mia_ms_kim (1019 comments posted) 16th March 2008 |
Sorry about the terrible definition of poem I gave, Didi, fellpony & everyone, and for revealing the depth of my ignorance. It's rather bottomless.
Thank you, fellpony, for the definitive statement. That's what I was struggling for. I wasn't sure if people were saying Didi's work here was a poem or not. And what constitutes a poem.
One more question: I can see Didi's poem feels different when presented differently. First one seems emotional, second one stoic. Is there a room for that visual arrangement in poetry? Or are poets' tools limited to words and linebreaks only?
Mia  - who is sorry for asking so many questions on Didi's work space. |
new topic
Written by fellpony (1619 comments posted) 16th March 2008 |
| Opened on Poet's Tavern for further pursuit of the questions raised by Mia Ms Kim! |
Written by Diddi (80 comments posted) 17th March 2008 |
Now that it's been discussed in both its forms. "Absence of breath."
It IS my fear - suffocation. Unable to draw breath and the awareness of it. So, to me it is a poem. Thousands of poets write, have written and will write about their hopes and fears. Also I write good, bad or indifferent items constantly. I'm not seeking to publish, only to express myself in any way I can. I'm definitely not throwing my name in for Poet Laureate, well not this year!
Lis |
Shades of Millligan
Written by fortunato364 (21 comments posted) 18th March 2008 |
Well whatever the arguments about form, Spike Milligan wrote like this a lot AND got published! I was once advised that the best way to make your name was to learn the rules and then drive a coach and horses through them.
I have never been a slave to convention, I hope, and am much more interested in content than form.
Interesting also to note how many words your few have generated! |
Written by Diddi (80 comments posted) 19th March 2008 |
| It's interesting isn't it |
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