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Poetry
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Untitled Poem No.5
By mr_soul
14 March 2008
You crawl through the window
It sits back and cries
You fall back and laugh
Lie there and die
We are so vain
And I’m such a loss
Concentrated
Left to
My thoughts
Lately I cry
Lately I’ve died
God save My soul
Before I fade away
And I’ve disappeared
Past the wayside
Down on my luck
Barely alive
Sometimes you see
It flowers for me
I’d like to lie down
But it turns me around
So I’ll just stay here
So full of fear
Wipe away my tears

Reviews

Written by fellpony (1652 comments posted) 14th March 2008
You, me, it - who is talking here? Anything new to say?

Written by Phil (6836 comments posted) 14th March 2008
Okay - I'm drawn. Sadly, not by the words, but rather the apparent lack of communication. A dumping of ideas onto the page - or a genuine attempt to communicate? Perhaps I'm missing something. 
 
Phil
Fair Enough
Written by mr_soul (126 comments posted) 14th March 2008
Is there no hope for this poem? Should it be banished and never spoke of again? Maybe. 
So your criticism is fair enough. 
I still think theres some hope for this poem, maybe some people might get something out of it. maybe changin it a bit will make it relevant to some people. If nobody can get anything from this then let no more be said. Maybe I was a bit self-indulgent with this one. 
Thanks again for the comments

Written by Veronica_Milvus (704 comments posted) 15th March 2008
This is oblique to the point of baffling. Are you trying to say something to your audience or is this just a post-it note to yourself?

Written by audrie (454 comments posted) 15th March 2008
Afraid I'm at a total loss to understand this poem!

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