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By audrie
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16 March 2008 |
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This once was a place
Where people knew their neighbour
It is no longer.
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Written by Josie (2845 comments posted) 16th March 2008 | | Audrie - good haiku in as much as it puts across a message with very few words, but haiku is a Japanese form of poetry, using a language which has only monosyllabic words, and our language is so much more beautiful. I prefer English poetry myself, but admit that you have done this well. |
Written by Phil (6959 comments posted) 16th March 2008 | A comment on the content, not the form.
You're probably right to a degree, but it is down to you to do something about it. Social isolation grows if we allow it. If we don't, it doesn't.
Phil |
Written by audrie (454 comments posted) 18th March 2008 | Josie, Japanese has 9 tones to every vowel, my son speaks fluent Japanese, so although the words might be monosyllabic, they do have a range of sounds. I am trying out a few odds and sods, as you know, I'm no poet!
Phil, I take your point, but if said neighbour doesn't speak the language, what are people to do?
Fortunately, I don't have that problem, but was thinking of the inner cities and why there is so much unrest now.
Good to see your name again, are you okay? |
Written by anaisanais (62 comments posted) 21st March 2008 | | Only one small comment on your perfect 5-7-5 count, and that is with Haiku you need a surprise/revelation moment....so maybe slight rework. I used to write Haiku in this form 2 but now try the old masters - Basho style - to write as near to 2-3-2 in our beats not syllables. Nice verse all the same and hope there is something here for your muse. Kindest intentions. | Hi anaisanais,
Written by audrie (454 comments posted) 23rd March 2008 | Thanks for your comments. I am new to haikus and don't yet really understand what they are meant to be, as you will see with my 'Woolly Mammoth' one!
I am still not sure about the difference between 'beats' and 'syllables'. I invariably go with syllables. |
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