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Brilliant stuff!
Written by mr_soul (126 comments posted) 17th March 2008 |
Loved this one mia, very interesting and thought provoking. I especially liked the last lines. It seems to sum up the sheer arrogance and mindset of certain hawks present in the western world.
Hypocrisy and Democracy, great title, great poem |
thank you, mr soul
Written by mia_ms_kim (973 comments posted) 17th March 2008 |
I was amazed at the power of perception in the young student (maybe 17-1 whose work made stopped me and made me think. It gave me great hope that our young people are far more clear-sighted, intelligent and perceptive than we give them credit for. I certainly wasn't like that at their age.
Mia |
Written by Josie (2732 comments posted) 17th March 2008 |
| Mia, how well you expressed your thoughts. Young people are perceptive from a very young age these days, and so are older people. Others do not give much credit to either age group, and I feel they should learn to listen. |
Written by Fledermaus (3238 comments posted) 17th March 2008 |
In a way it seems the Western world nowadays uses democracy the same way the conquistadors used Christianity.
Back then they came to the Americas to bring those poor heathen Aztecs and Incas the word of God... Of course it was only gold they were after rather than spreading the peaceful message of Jesus. What irony to bring a peaceful religion or democracy with guns. |
Written by Phil (6645 comments posted) 17th March 2008 |
Liked the simplicity of this too. I did wonder about the running order of some of the lines - but changing may change the meaning.
Phil |
Written by angelmoth (1 comments posted) 17th March 2008 |
| this is very well expressed, in such a few words. It sent goosebumps down the back. If you change the order it would lose it's meaning. |
Josie, Fledermaus, Phil, thank you
Written by mia_ms_kim (973 comments posted) 17th March 2008 |
for your insightful comments.
Josie, I agree we should listen more. I carefully listen to older people since I consider them wiser than me. Now I realise I should pay more attention to younger people. I wish we can give them more voice, so they can express themselves in constructive ways.
Fledermaus, what you say is so true. I didn't quite think of it like that before. There is a Christian joke that says, 'many of us will find a big shock waiting for us when we go to heaven - as to who is there, and who is not there.' (I can only hope I'm not one of those shocks.)
Phil, I'm never quite sure about much when it comes to poetry (so I always confess my ignorance  ) I doubt if I can compose anything complex. I found out since coming on GW that I can't quite get all the meter/iamb stuff. Coming from monosyllable-language originally, I get confused about those things beyond the 'twinkle twinkle little star' type verses.
Thank you, everyone. I'm learning a lot on GW.
Mia |
angelmoth, thank you...
Written by mia_ms_kim (973 comments posted) 17th March 2008 |
for your comment.
Yes, that high school student's art work in the museum gave me goosebumps, too. Actually the face of Jesus Christ was a blend of "the prostitute's" face on the left, and a man's face on the right. I think Mary Magdalene was whom the student had in mind, and it looked like she was crying - it now reminds me of Josie's recent poem on Mary Magdalene. I must revisit the museum and take another look.
Mia
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Not clumsy
Written by Bottleblondesurfer (3298 comments posted) 17th March 2008 |
It certainly didn't read as clumsy. I thought the rhyming was subtle and worked well. I especially liked the use of the word refined which has a double meaning and can also apply to oil, which makes more sense of the last couplet and tied it into the poem. It stands out as such a powerful comment in it's own right and needed that word to make it part of the whole.
Says a lot in a few words
Jane |
thank you, bbs
Written by mia_ms_kim (973 comments posted) 17th March 2008 |
I was quite sure it was clumsy, but I felt I had to say it, add my two-cents worth to the young student's voice. I didn't even think of 'refined' in that sense, ie. oil, but I can see it now. Wow, it was accidental.
The title came from the young art student, and the verses came from the nameless American comedian I couldn't forget. He just didn't use rhyming words.
Mia  |
Written by Bottleblondesurfer (3298 comments posted) 17th March 2008 |
| The comedian wasn't Bill Hicks was it? |
Written by mia_ms_kim (973 comments posted) 17th March 2008 |
I really don't know. From my memory, he was an older comedian (I would say 50+), long grayish hair in a ponytail. He looked taller than average. I think he wore glasses. He was American - from his accent. He had an one-minute stint among many younger comedians.
I don't remember anyone else but him. He stood out from the rest because all his jokes were startling political commentry, satire that cut right into the heart of the matter. He used no profanity, no sexual overtones. I would love to know who he is, and hear what else he has to say.
Mia |
Written by anaisanais (62 comments posted) 21st March 2008 |
| I think the structure of your poem works well for this write. It helps to highlight your issues and thoughts. It shows how mans greed and ownership/rights are issues that will continue beyond our years....we may be nurtured and cultured....but that does not give us rights to dominate and bully other civilisations into further demise...what right is there of calling 'war' - to the real issue the claim of what little a country holds beneath them...the little wealth that could raise their own deals to that of our own.....don't know if i make sense but your poem speaks heaps! |
anaisanais, thank you...
Written by mia_ms_kim (973 comments posted) 21st March 2008 |
| To be honest with you, I'm not sure if I can call my little piece a 'poem'. But I'm not knowledgeable enough to write an article on the subject, but I do have my convictions about the arrogance, hypocrisy and blindness of the powerful nations, to which I belong. So I borrowed from everywhere and came up with this little piece after doing my best to make it rhyme. It's the first poem I've ever written - and very nervously. I'm so glad it made sense to you. |
Written by mia_ms_kim (973 comments posted) 21st March 2008 |
Oops! I lied. This is not the first poem I wrote. I wrote 'My first haiku' before this. I was so busy counting syllables, I forgot it was a poem, too. (or an attempt at copying others.) Now I remember I also wrote down things in my journals in a poetic form, just for myself many years ago. No sweating over rhyming or syllable counting - hmmm... I should look them up.
Mia |
Hi Mia
Written by maipenrai (783 comments posted) 22nd March 2008 |
EXCELLENT WRITE.
Bernie |
Bernie, thank you...
Written by mia_ms_kim (973 comments posted) 22nd March 2008 |
for your encouragement!
Mia |
Written by Merioneth (79 comments posted) 25th April 2008 |
This didn't read as clumsy to me. It was succinct and elegant in its simplicity. I won't even begin to go into the subject matter, I'd go on and on until the damn occupation was over (2 or 3 decades).
~Meri |
Merioneth, thank you
Written by mia_ms_kim (973 comments posted) 25th April 2008 |
for your encouraging review. I really hope it won't last 2-3 decades - for everyone's sake, especially the Iraqies!
Mia |
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