Written in my first term of university, before the work really kicked in. Feeling slightly wistful now...
Ed: I really need to stop mentioning butterflies in my poems. I think I may have an addiction.
A gold star in my belly button,
left-over from a waltz with a borrowed
glitter-gold cowboy hat. A triple partnership,
where two were walls. I flirted with each,
all turquoise butterflies and warmth.
Toes distanced by sour home-made cocktail.
Overdosing on student life
can make a navel romantic,
fascinating. And pounding down the tar mac at two a.m.
without an explanation to make feet heavy. A white Russian
never made such a good dance partner
on nights when stars are sticking to my skin.
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I will take this...
Written by patterjack (1159 comments posted) 17th March 2008 |
... away with me somewhere and spend some time on it .
Bit incomprehensible to me first up , but I am getting there I think
patterjack |
Written by Phil (6645 comments posted) 18th March 2008 |
I really liked this, GK. It seemed to me to be a lot more direct than PJ hints. Perhaps I'm missing something. For me, it had an immediacy. Oddly, of all you butterfly references, I thought this the most successful - colour, flightiness, flutteriness (p?) etc.
Phil
BTW: Not sure about the previous piece. To me you seemed to be moving further and further away from the concrete and inhabiting a space only made of ideas. Perhaps just me. |
Reyour comment to ED.
Written by audrie (444 comments posted) 18th March 2008 |
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Sorry
Written by audrie (444 comments posted) 18th March 2008 |
my touchpad is acting up again.
I was going to say, read my review of your butterfly poem and see if that is why you are enamoured of these pretty little sauce-pots! |
Written by gutterkitty (362 comments posted) 18th March 2008 |
PJ- I did think this was one of my more straightforward ones. But I am trying to create a feel rather than a narrative which probably makes it harder to understand.
Phil- thanks, that last comment is particularly useful. I think I may have been following the whims of my imagination a little too much lately, which is a dangerous (and self-indulgent) road to go down. I'm starting to wonder if I should stick more to pieces like this, which are less steeped in metaphor. |
Written by Fledermaus (3238 comments posted) 18th March 2008 |
I was rather thinking of studying till deep in the night and anxiously awaiting test results 
Nah, going to miss some of it too: Parties, sleeping over at someone's tiny room, talking till 4 at night, cheap sports, clumsy romance, free entrance to museums, being free to go to lectures or not, long holidays...
Gosh! And I only realize all this now??? |
double
Written by patterjack (1159 comments posted) 18th March 2008 |
My problem was the stanza split
Got it now -- but it is hardly straightforward . And I am pretty slow and old remember .
patterjack |
Written by gutterkitty (362 comments posted) 18th March 2008 |
| Aw that's not it at all! You know how bad I am at realising how opaque my work can be... |
Written by Veronica_Milvus (595 comments posted) 18th March 2008 |
I thought this was very evocative and fun. The only line that really puzzled me was the one about the "triple partnership, where two were walls". I loved the last line about the stars sticking to your skin. Fantastic! I'm inspired to write something about my student days...
Patterjack, I don't get what you said about the stanza split? pls to explainz? |
very very good!
Written by margarita (29 comments posted) 19th March 2008 |
hey there i think this is really gorgeous...I love the lines "Pounding down the tar mac at two a.m." there's is a real drunken giddiness to it and all the zeal of student life is there..I love the structure too..I'd love to read more things like this..
I've got a thing for butterflies, waltzes, flirting at the moment..they just seem to keep croppping up!
look forward to reading more! x
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Written by Diddi (80 comments posted) 19th March 2008 |
| To me, it was of the moment. May you have more such moments. |
Written by gutterkitty (362 comments posted) 20th March 2008 |
Glad you guys got what I was going for here  as for the triple partnership, that's a little hard to explain without sounding a bit crazy...basically I was a bit tipsy, dancing in the hallway, and using the walls for support. It made sense at the time...? |
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