Starbucks.
They sit in the corner of the cafe
Face to face.
She remembers -
When all it took was a smile
A coquettish lift of the head
A smouldering eye
A touch..
He sees himself
Reflected in his silver spoon
Beside the bitter coffee....
Together they ride the memories
Of careless youth and beauty
To a far side
Where the eye no longer smoulders
And the head no longer coquettish
But where love, compassion
And understanding are
But most of all
Love.
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Hey
Written by sarahh (18 comments posted) 18th March 2008 |
I really like this poem. Thats all I have to say.
Sarah |
Written by Fledermaus (3246 comments posted) 18th March 2008 |
| So... Are they still in love or do they only remember it? |
Written by Josie (2772 comments posted) 18th March 2008 |
"But where love, compassion
And understanding are
But most of all
Love. "
?" - Yes, more so than when they had to visibly draw attraction to each other. They have developed a long lasting love which encapsulates memories of growing together, sharing life together, over many years. All too often compassion and understanding are really lacking in first love. All too often, with the passion comes the feelings of jealousy, possession etc. All too often when things go wrong, this fragile "love" (not really love) = throw the towel in. That is not LOVE in the true sense.
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The missing link
Written by Josie (2772 comments posted) 18th March 2008 |
| Sorry Ned, but something happened and some of my review disappeared. I started of with quotation marks around the question that Fledermaus asked. "Are they still in love?". Then went on to say "Yes" ---- etc |
Written by fellpony (1600 comments posted) 19th March 2008 |
There is a hint in here that the recollection of each partner is not necessarily the same - the word "bitter" suggests the man's memories are different from the woman's. I wonder if the third stanza would gain from a small acknowledgement of that; that the suppression of the bitter element is as much love as the compassion you do mention.
Well written and a sensitively observed cameo. |
made me think....
Written by mia_ms_kim (993 comments posted) 19th March 2008 |
that this is a poignant way of saying 'true' love is more than the initial chemistry of "falling in love", but what is acquired after a lifetime together.
I found myself wondering why is the man looking at his reflection in the spoon, and not at his beloved. They are sitting face to face. Like fellpony, I wondered if something happened...
Mia  |
Written by Diddi (80 comments posted) 19th March 2008 |
| I know they are in love. I feel the same way. Thank you for writing this. |
Thanks
Written by NedWilson (26 comments posted) 19th March 2008 |
| Your comments have given me some new insights! Many thanks |
Written by margarita (29 comments posted) 19th March 2008 |
| nice. it reminded me of a well directed scene in a movie! It was evocative and very sensuous....cheers |
Written by Phil (6681 comments posted) 19th March 2008 |
I liked this. As FP says, well observed - and I'll add unpretentious. Some things are hinted at in the early part that are not followed up later.
Some lovely lines. Really liked:
Together they ride the memories
Of careless youth and beauty
Phil |
Written by Phil (6681 comments posted) 19th March 2008 |
| Sorry - my comment about hints and follow up. Th et up of the first part seems unresolved to me. Could be the way I'm reading. |
Written by gutterkitty (362 comments posted) 19th March 2008 |
| Agree with Phil, likeably unpretentious. It's nice to read a poem about love which isn't set in the first, dizzy stages. I liked the small details like the man looking into the spoon. I think it could be improved with using some more interesting adjectives though- "smouldering" is quite cliché. |
Written by anaisanais (62 comments posted) 21st March 2008 |
Love this, it has a subtle way of pointing out that love isn't always all singing all dancing in performance, there is great comfort from drawing from a loved ones presence and being. It takes much to feel comfortable in long silences with a person, there is a trust, knowledge and deeper meaning to the thoughts of silence within a relationship....Your words here capture this so much simpler than I can express personally...but I do understand....Excellent!  |
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