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Poetry
Shed Tears of Blood
By TurboWolffe
20 March 2008
Inspirational piece about angels.  It's not perfect, but i think it's good...in a way!

Angels, they weep for our sins, and save us if they can.

 

Angels are sacred

Angels are holy

I’m not mistaken

Their love is holy

Angels’ white wings

Their soft snowy down

It falls from the sky

And lights upon the ground

They live in blue sky

For it is their home

When they do cry

Your soul shall atone

Softly they come

They step lightly

Softly they come

And visit nightly

They stand at bedside

While you sleep

To make sure you’ve not died

For you, they weep

Holy love

Deep devotion

It comes from above

A sacred notion

Angles cry blood

Cry holy tears

They’d save if they could

And take black fears

Angels flying

Silhouettes on the moon

Escort the dying

With soft trill of loon

If you should cry out

They will hear

And seek you out

To shed their tears

They shed holy tears

Shed tears of blood

They only mean good

They’d save if they could.

Reviews
Angels
Written by Josie (4035 comments posted) 20th March 2008
Turbowolffe: I see nobody has reviewed your work. May I make a simple suggestion as a start: You need to do your verses in single line spacing, divided into verses. Make a special point in each verse. I love the theme of your poem, but I think you could do much better. I'll write you a pm.

Written by gutterkitty (362 comments posted) 20th March 2008
I don't think verses are essential but you might want to sort out what appears to be a forced and erratic rhyme scheme. I also feel that you could have treated your subject matter with a bit more originality- it's obviously a subject close to your heart, so why not expand a bit more rather than writing about soft snowy wings and a home in the sky? We've heard that sort of thing before.
Hmmm....
Written by TurboWolffe (101 comments posted) 20th March 2008
Okay, josie, i'll take your advice, but gutter, i'm a little confused by your review. I don't mean to be rude, but it just confused me a bit. :p Josie, i'd like some help with my poem, from you, so you can help if you like! message me, and for irl chat, you can download Furcadia if you'd like! I'm on there a lot...so you can find me there, but it's just a suggestion. 
 
Thanks! 
-TW

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