Reply to "Ambivalence" by seafour. The cow refers to my own haiku of a few days ago, which was naught but a very temporal thing...
She poked the carcass of a drowned old cow,
Ignored time and date, clung on to the past.
The river flows on. Then is then, and now is now.
The past is gone; The present shall not last.
Yesterday's sister is not today's friend;
Today's friend is not tomorrow's brother;
All float like leaves on a warm summer wind
It's only that; Why do you bother?
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Written by Josie (2845 comments posted) 20th March 2008 |
| Very sad Fledermaus. I thought things might be better now. Forgiveness and acceptance are what is needed. Making up is better than falling out, as you know. |
Written by Fledermaus (3487 comments posted) 20th March 2008 |
Thanks Josie.
It isn't meant to be sad. Things just change, they come and go. I mention a sister, a friend and a brother, but I nowhere say they replace each other. It's only to indicate that everything is always in motion and the nature of friendships can change.
The message is supposed to be a positive one: Don't bother about things, since they are just as they are. |
Written by fellpony (1715 comments posted) 20th March 2008 |
| This is one of your most interesting pieces yet, Fledermaus. Odd how sometimes a riposte on the site provokes really good, immediate work. |
Written by Veronica_Milvus (749 comments posted) 20th March 2008 |
| Well I have mssed out on the backstory here, but I do like this. Although it isn't a rubaiyat, I thought it had a touch of the old Khayyam about it - reflective and fatalistic like "the moving finger writes, and having writ, moves on". |
Written by mia_ms_kim (1057 comments posted) 20th March 2008 |
Very interesting like most of your poems. (I never quite got the Aife's cow poem. For one second, I thought your drowned cow was that cow, and was looking eagerly for illumination.) I, too, like Josie, thought the relationships you mentioned were broken. I think it was because of the use of the word 'not'. This sounds like an offshoot of "Ripples" except this happens in the wind? I found VM's comment very illuminating on this piece.
Mia  |
Written by Fledermaus (3487 comments posted) 20th March 2008 |
Thanks Sue, Veronica and Mia.
I don't know in what sort of rhyme scheme it would fit. I'm happy enough it rhymes. No, it has nothing to do with Aife's cows. "Pulling old cows out of a ditch" is a saying where I live, meaning to go on and on about something irrelevant. In fact this came before "ripples", but I thought because of Josie's response that this may sound a bit heavy. |
Written by Brett (983 comments posted) 20th March 2008 |
Your style seems ever increasingly oriental to me, and this is not a criticism. It may be your imagery of rivers and ebbing time, whatever it is I like it. Even your responses to comments can be read in verse;
"I mention a sister
a friend and a brother,
but I nowhere say
they replace each other."
Cheers
Brett
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Written by Phil (6959 comments posted) 21st March 2008 |
Liked this very much, Fledermaus. Probably your best poem to date. (IMO) Brett mentions an 'easterning' of your writing. I agree. Again - no a crit, just an observation.
Phil |
Written by Fledermaus (3487 comments posted) 21st March 2008 |
Thanks Brett and Phil.
Oh, no doubt I have been inspired slightly by some lectures in Chinese philosophy 
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Written by anaisanais (62 comments posted) 21st March 2008 |
| Life is a cycle of change, we do and say things that start a reaction of one form or another. Sometimes because we are all independant of our own thought process we take things to heart that were really of the moment and mind of the other. If we look at poetry a thought that hits one through reading will not necessarily agree with their personal view...but we reflect how word makes us feel....I think your write says much about these cycles and paints huge pictures of clarity in my own mind...interesting write, thank you for sharing! |
Written by Fledermaus (3487 comments posted) 21st March 2008 |
Thank you anaisanais.
It seems everything is always in motion hm? |
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