Throw a stone into a lake
And the water shall ripple.
Try not to smoothen the waves,
You'll only increase their strength.
Just let nature do its job,
Listen to the gentle sounds,
For again there will peace.
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Written by Brett (783 comments posted) 20th March 2008 |
I think this has the spirit of your beloved haikus. I like it, but can't get away from the impression that it should either be condensed into one haiku or a small rubaiyat.
Cheers
Brett |
Serene
Written by punchy (500 comments posted) 20th March 2008 |
| This piece makes me feel really calm, i like it. |
Written by mia_ms_kim (1019 comments posted) 20th March 2008 |
I so agree with what you say in this poem. I also agree with the previous comments. Lately I find myself agreeing with everyone. (did you know that was considered wisdom at one time in the orient, along with being silent etc?) Sometimes it encouraged an overly passive attitude, which isn't not healthy. But the art of being "still" and to "know our place" in the wider scheme of the universe, is an art that should be recovered in modern life. It will certainly reduce unnecessary stress.
Mia  |
Written by Fledermaus (3281 comments posted) 20th March 2008 |
Thank you, Brett, Punchy and Mia.
It's true, isn't it? One cannot smooth waves in any other way than by waiting.
Brett: You're probably right more could have been done with this, as the scheme is now pretty simple. Maybe another time?
Punchy: Thanks. It's nice to read someone enjoys it that much.
Mia: I agree; Letting things come as they come helps to reduce stress. It might be passive, but how bad is that if it makes one happier? |
Don't get me wrong, Maus...
Written by Brett (783 comments posted) 20th March 2008 |
I like this piece as it is, my previous feedback was simply how I perceived it's overall message.
I like your style; I imagine you are very zen, or perhaps a woodstock refugee (spiritually, of course).
Your comment to Mia "It might be passive, but how bad is that if it makes one happier?" Well, couldn't the world be a much simpler place if every business and political party thought along those lines?
Cheers
Brett |
Hi Fledermaus
Written by jean.day (2279 comments posted) 21st March 2008 |
I, too, thought it was a very pleasant calm poem.
I have one grammatical correction.
to smoothen - not too smoothen, |
Written by Phil (6719 comments posted) 21st March 2008 |
Liked this very much - again. As Punchy - very calming, soothing.
There's something about line four that breaks the tone/sense of calm a little. It could be the direct use of a personal pronoun. Not sure. Perhaps a poet could help - perhaps it's just me.
Keep them coming.
Phil |
Written by Fledermaus (3281 comments posted) 21st March 2008 |
Thanks again Brett, and thanks Jean and Phil.
Brett. I am not very zen, but perhaps trying to be 
Jean. Ah. I'll correct it. Usually I do the opposite thing wrong.
Phil. I guess so. Somehow it was difficult to get it across that whenever one touches water, the waves will only get bigger. |
Written by Aurora (56 comments posted) 22nd March 2008 |
| I liked this, it had good imagery and made me feel calm reading it. I could almost imagine myself looking out at the sea accepting change as I accept the turn of the sea. |
Written by Fledermaus (3281 comments posted) 22nd March 2008 |
| Thanks Dawn |
Lovely
Written by Josie (2785 comments posted) 25th March 2008 |
| What a great subject Fledermaus. I loved your poem. I agree with Aurora above. |
Written by Fledermaus (3281 comments posted) 28th March 2008 |
| Thanks Josie |
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