|
By mosw30987
|
|
20 March 2008 |
hi everybody, i am a 9 year old and i hope you enjoy my story. I am posting this again because my mum has helped me to improve this piece of writing. There was once two lion cubs called Bill and Ben. Their mum was called Bibi. Bill and Ben had a family that they never knew they had. After all, lion cubs only meet their family when they are 1 year old. If they live with them before that age, then they would be killed in one swish of a paw.
Now, as the females did all of the hunting, Bibi set out to find some food. She needed her food so that she can make milk for the two little cubs. As soon as she saw a herd of gazelles nearby. she was off for the kill.
Bibi then called Bill and Ben to come eat their first steak. They had one bite each out of the gazelle, but then Bibi spotted a group of hyenas heading straight to the gazelle that they were eating!
The two cubs ran as fast as they could. Bibi walked slowly behind them. They had managed to escape the hyenas but another problem was coming. Bill and Ben's family were heading their direction escaping fom a herd of elephants. Luckily, the elephants turned and changed direction but the lions didn't notice and kept on heading towards Bill and Ben.
However, it was alright. Bill and Ben were safe because their family were kind to them. So then Bibi was reunited with the family and Bill and Ben grew up to be strong lively lions.|
Written by Josie (2785 comments posted) 22nd March 2008 | | A really, really lovely story and children can learn lots of facts from your story too. It would make a really good talking point in a classroom. It is also not too long, so easily slotted into a lesson. I think you will find all right is two words. always, already, almost are joined, but not all right. Well done! |
Written by Bottleblondesurfer (3351 comments posted) 26th March 2008 | I thougth that was a very good story. You managed to pack an awful lot into quite a short story. I liked the information that you put in about lions as well. I think you could have made this a bit longer by making the cubs take longer to get out of danger so we get concerned for them. It's a good way to keep people interested
Great little story
| From Bonnie, aged 9 years
Written by Josie (2785 comments posted) 1st April 2008 | | I liked your story Mos, and I liked the name you chose for their mother - Bibi. |
Only registered users can rate and write comments.
Please login or register. Powered by AkoComment 2.0! |
