Great Writing - Home > Poetry > Blood Brothers
READING ROOM
Great Writing - Home
Read and review others' work
Articles on writing
Advice from the community
COMMUNITY
Talk to others in the forums
Events and Competitions
GW News
ABOUT GREAT WRITING
All About Us
Contact Us
WORK AWAITING REVIEW
GW IS...
Great Writing creative writing community is designed to prompt ideas and provide inspiration and motivation within aspiring and amateur authors. Whatever your topic; from love poetry to Doctor Who or Harry Potter fan fiction, Great Writing's online writing group is where you can make new friends and improve your creative writing.
WHO'S ONLINE
We have 1284 guests online and 4 members online
Poetry
Blood Brothers
By NedWilson
21 March 2008
A True story

I was once sitting under a banyan tree
When a spider paused on a root near me
He was headed up the trunk -
And both of us were in a bit of a funk
Since I didn’t  know him
And he didn’t know me. 

I wondered if he was the biting kind
And he probably wondered
If I was of a squashing mind
I ate my sandwiches, had some tea
And he ate…whatever it is that spiders eat
In the shadow of that great tree.
 
And so the day wore on pleasantly,
Until it was time
For him
To go on his way 
To where he lived
In that splendid tree.

But as I also rose to go
He looked at me and I at him
And something passed across his seven eyes
That thrilled me to the core
We were blood brothers - without a drop spilt!

Reviews

Written by anaisanais (62 comments posted) 21st March 2008
A very gentle write, enjoyed - a little different from the norm....;)

Written by gutterkitty (362 comments posted) 21st March 2008
I like the "different" nature of this is well: an interesting little insight into an ordinary moment in life. But I don't see why you dropped the rhyme in the last two stanzas, and the "blood brothers" idea seems to be pushing the quirky style a bit too far...Also unsure about the use of "funk" in the first stanza- to me that's a type of music.

Written by NedWilson (26 comments posted) 21st March 2008
Thanks to you both for your constructive comments which are much appreciated. The poem does need some revision which I am slowly doing. A funk to me is a kind of fearful sulk. You have to appreciate the depth of my relationship with that spider - if it had been female I would have proposed marriage.

   Only registered users can rate and write comments.
   Please login or register.

Powered by AkoComment 2.0!

 Previous item   Next item