|
By emilio
|
|
22 March 2008 |
umm...how can i explain this piece? not a big fan of people trying to make a solid statement about god or anything of that matter. But this piece came out of my head and quickly wrote it in a blink; me talking to god about my experience so far in these shoes...
Nothing holds you down but the reflection of the inverted bird that glides along the calm surface of the lake. Nothing grabs objects but that distant rote of the ocean and the vacuum of your heart.
Shapes and symbols are your reflections .
Conversations of your enigma builds that ego which is called the universe, and then do we blindly shed these complex tears which profits an isolated king in that home behind the inverted bird that glides along the calm surface of the lake…
Bended knees and bald heads refuse your offer…to taste that taste-less taste which you make seem only possible in a dream, do these microscopic dots enjoy.
Everyday the same eye sets below us, bringing heat and cancer, and everyday it rises from the east to solely watch its flame burst our dough-textered minds.
Only in the present breath do I see your face, that glorious overwhelming luminous flower behind a child and how I appreciate your hands as they guide my eyes into the cracked sidewalks and watch oblivion dance with pride. Only in the stench of a mall do I see where you have failed, giving us that vision which always brings a smile to your face,
thinking we each deserve the vision of the Grand…..
Therefore this failure.
|
Written by fellpony (1616 comments posted) 22nd March 2008 | You shouldn't need to "explain" a piece in the intro; the writing should be able to stand on its own.
I am not surprised this is untitled. It's prose, BTW, in my opinion, not poetry. The topic is a suitable one, given it's Easter weekend, but the approach is very confused, and appropriately formless. Some of the language is interesting and there are some striking images, but grammatically there are a lot of oddities that merely obscure what you're trying to say. |
Written by Phil (6730 comments posted) 22nd March 2008 | With FP - has more features of prose than verse. Some very interesting images - but as above - confused. Needs tying together a little more coherently, perhaps - whether prose or poetry.
Phil
|
Only registered users can rate and write comments.
Please login or register. Powered by AkoComment 2.0! |
Previous item
