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Last Orders: Young Turks
By Jumile
23 March 2008
First submission for the Lazy Writers' Group's March 2008 topic.

Clarification: The term "young turk" is not a reference to race or nationality (despite its origins). In common usage, it refers to rebellious teenagers or young men - see here and here for a better description. I've seen it used as such in Australia, the UK and the USA (in fact the US even has a TV show similarly named, Turks).

    The lights were dim, the conversation thrummed, the staff behind the bar were serving customers with a practised smile and friendly banter, a couple of young turks in the corner were being boisterous - periodically eyeing the room to let everyone know who was running things - and the fire on one wall was giving the room a cosy atmosphere, with its flickering light and the aroma of oak wood-smoke. This was a village pub that had seen countless nights just like this since well before the War; the same story replaying itself over and over.
    Mike was sitting at one end of the bar, with a pint and two friends next to him, and a dog at his feet. He was a tall, well built man, with the easy, fluid motion of someone comfortable in his surroundings, comfortable in his skin, and able to look after himself. He was deeply immersed in conversation with his friends, Derek and Joe, as people do in this kind of environment - a warm fire, plenty of time, and a couple of pints bringing out the desire to set the world to rights. This is an event that has occurred many times, too, as this was Mike's, Joe's and Derek's local.
    The front door flew open with a bang, causing those nearest to turn around with a start, and the foul weather started blowing into the room. It was miserable outside tonight - gusty, wet, cold, and the skies varied between clear, hail, sleet, snow, and back again - a typical early Spring in England. Mike got up, indicating to the barman that he would take care of it, while muttering to himself about people leaving the outer door open in the first place... and closed both doors from the weather. People went back to their conversations.
    When he got back to his stool by the bar, Mike was surprised to see that one of the young turks had perched himself on his stool, keeping his back to Joe and Derek, and was sitting there as if the seat, pint and money sitting on the bar were his own. The other turk was watching and bobbing his head from the corner to get a good view - clearly waiting to see what would happen.
    This was one of the problems with life in a village, Mike knew. Bored young men with too much time on their hands and not enough to keep them occupied. Most such men found pursuits to keep them occupied: sports, hobbies, work, a family, even computer games, but there are always a few who go out looking for trouble. The young turks. In Mike's experience, most of the time they'll sit at one side or corner of a room making just enough noise to be irritating, but never enough to be kicked out - and all the while looking for an opportunity to get their hands dirty.
    Derek was looking between Joe, the two young men and Mike in confusion - as if he'd missed something important, but wasn't quite sure what. Joe unobtrusively adjusted his position on his own stool so he could see both young men. He also knew how to handle himself - he'd been a bored young man in this village himself once.
Mike walked up to the bar so he was standing next to the interloper, and made his mind up when the young man leered up at him before hunkering down to pretend as though nothing was out of the ordinary.
    "Alright, mate?" Mike asked, cheerfully.
    He received no response, except to see some more of his pint disappear down the young man's throat.
    Joe got up off his stool to lean against the bar with his pint, between the young men and the opposite site of the interloper from Mike.
    "I think you have something of mine," said Mike. It was a statement.
    The turk laughed derisively and started to finish Mike's pint, up-ending the glass to drain it. Quick as a flash, Mike clenched his fist and rapped the young man's lower chest with the back of his knuckles - not very hard - before placing his hand back on the bar as it was before. Anyone looking would have needed to have been looking directly at Mike from the right angle to see anything. The effect was immediate… the young man choked and started coughing, his face went red, and he started to slip off the stool as his knees buckled.
    Mike was there to catch him, and help him up.
    "Are you okay, mate?" he asked with apparent concern. "Did something go down the wrong way?"
    The other young turk started moving forward to see what had happened to his mate, and had clearly had not seen what Mike had done. As he was making his way to his friend, one of the bar staff rang the bell, "Last orders, everybody! Last orders, please!"
    "Saved by the bell, my young turk," Mike spoke quietly into the gagging young man's ear. "You want to be more careful - you could hurt yourself."
    He could only look up at Mike with a look of disbelief and pain, unable to say anything.
    "Here," Mike said to the other young man. "You'd best take your mate home - he doesn't look too well. The fresh air will do him some good."
    The once proud, young men staggered out of the pub with one leaning heavily on the other, as Mike and Joe took their stools once more and ordered once last pint for the evening.
    "So what was all that about?" asked Derek, still with a confused look on his face.
    Mike's dog still sat there, looking up at him and happily wagging his tail as if nothing had happened.
    Joe and Mike looked first at Derek, then the dog, and then at each other and laughed.

Reviews

Written by mia_ms_kim (1057 comments posted) 23rd March 2008
You write well. But I am puzzled. I don't quite get what Mike did to the young rascal to get him all choked up. Martial arts trick?  
 
And while I understand how young men from ethnic minority groups can cause annoyances like any other young people of any group, this piece might come across as slightly racist - I'm not sure.... I imagine by 'young turks' you mean 'young Turkish lads'? 
 
Just one more thing - this story is mostly told from Mike's pov (at least by the 2nd para, it feels like it to me), so when he is described as well-built etc in complimentary fashion, it sounds a little like a self-praise, though I found him to be a very appealing character. 
 
Mia 8)

Written by JRB (16 comments posted) 24th March 2008
I thought this was well written and had a good sense of tension. I did wonder about it coming accross as racist also but maybe you are reflecting narrow views of a small village. I kind of wondered if there would be a twist at the end that the young turk had come to sit on Mikes stool to be friendly or say something of imprtance but Mike took it the wrong way. Then Mike would turn out ot be in the wrong.

Written by nsperfect71 (44 comments posted) 24th March 2008
The story is well told and the style is smooth enough to make you unable to stop till it's finished. But why did the two trouble makers have to be 'turks'?  
 
N
Response to reviews thus far, and an exp
Written by Jumile (9 comments posted) 24th March 2008
@mia: Thank you for your review. The solar plexus is located where the sternum and diaphragm meet, just above the stomach. Any impact here will make the person struggle to breathe normally for a short period, and remove the ability to speak. If you've ever fallen down and 'winded' yourself - this is what has happened. Thank you for your comments on Mike's description; I hadn't thought about that. I could perhaps have better described his awareness of himself, or used another character in the room to describe him? See below for an explanation of the use of "young turks." 
 
@JRB: Thank you for your review. The idea of a twist would have been good, and was something I hadn't thought of at all, thanks. I blame the fact this was my first attempt at fiction for 9 years. :) Please see below for an explanation of the use of "young turks." 
 
nsperfect71: Thank you for your review and your comment on the smoothness of the text. I'm pleased that I was able to keep the reader's attention for a couple of minutes, at least. :) See below for an explanation of the use of "young turks."  
 
@all: In reference to the use of "young turks"... I carefully kept the 't' in 'turk' lowercase to make it clear I was using a relatively common term referring to rebellious young men. See here and here for explanations, and also here for an American TV show that uses the term in the same context. Although the phrase origin refers directly to a specific group of young Turkish men, modern use has no racial, cultural or national connotations. I have now placed a 'disclaimer' in the text's introduction, which will hopefully stave off future misunderstandings. 
young turks
Written by mia_ms_kim (1057 comments posted) 24th March 2008
I did wonder if your 'turk' was a short for 'turkey' the bird. Foolish arrogant boys used to be called 'turkeys' once upon a time. I assumed it was a reference to the avian species! 
 
Wikipedia says "A "turkey" (slang): a useless thing, unwise purchase, a box office bomb in entertainment, or a foolish or despicable person in CB Radio jargon."  
 
If the derogatory term 'turk' has a racial origin as in Turkey the country, it sounds terrible to me. I don't think it is a term commonly used in Australia. I think I've heard it, but only once or twice. Maybe its use has declined over the years due to its racist implications.  
 
I'd love to know more about this. 
 
Mia :x

Written by fellpony (1714 comments posted) 24th March 2008
Hi Jumile - just so you don't think you're going mad, I DID understand your term "young turks" and I also understood what Mike had done with his fist and why it worked ... Your pub just needed a good barmaid :)

Written by Jumile (9 comments posted) 24th March 2008
Thanks for your reply, fellpony. It's nice to know I'm not mad. 
 
Point taken on the user of a good barmaid. :)

Written by Phil (6959 comments posted) 25th March 2008
Enjoyed this, Jumile. An easy and flowing read - I had no problem with any of the above - although FP is quite right - a good bar maid would have completed the scene - as it always does. 
 
As far as 'Young turks' goes: I wouldn't worry too much. I guess there are those of a PC persuasion (not a reference to any respondees [p?]so far) who would castigate you for its use. While I would argue it has its roots in race, it is not used as a racial slur. Perhaps another phrase could have been used to avoid misunderstanding - or perhaps that's just another capitulation to the politically correct monsters who are attempting to turn a vibrant language into tones of blanket grey! 
 
Phil

Written by Jumile (9 comments posted) 25th March 2008
Phil: Thanks for your review and comments. Although I'm careful not to use slurs - and various -isms - in my writing and everyday life, I do draw a line in the sand when it comes to PC on some occasions. 
 
Fortunately(?) now that brightly flaming torch has been handed to the "health and safety" people... ;) 

Written by mia_ms_kim (1057 comments posted) 25th March 2008
I finally got it. I did some research and found out "Young Turks" is actually a term quite often used in complimentary fashion, too. Its origin is not in some racist slur, but it was an actual revolutionary political movement that led to the establishment of a constitutional government and the modernization of the Ottoman Empire. Fascinating. 
 
Mia :)

Written by twriter (117 comments posted) 1st April 2008
Another easy read which seems to play to all your technical strengths as a writer. I didn't have a problem with Young Turks and advise younot to worry. 
 
Another smashing piece! 
 
TW 
 
P.S. I still want to know more about Steve!!!

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