I've taken my poem ""Sleeping Through the Storm" one step further, using trochaic metre with the emphasis on the first stress followed by the light stress. In this poem, however, I have used full trochees throughout, finishing each line on an "upbeat" or a light stress. To add sound, there's lots of onomatapoeia and alliteration, to make the storm rumble and tumble. Children like these sound effects.
Candle flutters, mother mutters;
Rain then patters, raindrops scatter;
Thunder rumbles; raindrops tumble;
Mother’s sighing, baby ‘s crying.
Rover’s growling, wild wind howling;
Cupboards shaking; cups are breaking;
Thunder clashes; lightning flashes;
Wild wind roaring - - - - - father’s snoring!
Copyright 2008
www.whiteheadm.co.uk |
Nice poem Written by mr_soul (126 comments posted) 26th March 2008 |
Another lovely poem Josie, really enjoyed this one aswell. You really do have a great talent with words. Keep up the good work! All the best. Mr Soul |
Written by Fledermaus (3229 comments posted) 26th March 2008 |
| Nice one. The earlier version was longer, wasn't it? Either the lines or the whole poem... Enjoyable read. |
Written by Josie (2721 comments posted) 26th March 2008 |
| Fledermaus: No, it wasn't longer. I have put more emphasis on the first stressed beat in this poem, but much the same. I have probably improved it a little after my "studies". Thanks Mark - glad you enjoyed this poem. |
Written by mosw30987 (17 comments posted) 26th March 2008 |
brilliant Josie. Very funny as well |
Thanks mos Written by Josie (2721 comments posted) 26th March 2008 |
| It's always great for me to get a review from a child because if children don't like what I write, then I might as well pack up and go home. ha ha. Thank you ever so much. I hadn't thought of it as being funny, but standing back and seeing it from where you are, I think you are right. Actually, a few weeks ago we came back from Tenerife and were so tired after such a long journey, we went to bed and slept through an earthquake which caused damage all over Britain. Remember it? I think the china was shaking and all these things too, but we slept through it. next day everyone else was talking about what we had missed. Yes, I can see the funny side now. |
Only registered users can rate and write comments.
Please login or register.