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Poetry
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She is prey
By punchy
27 March 2008


Small and innocent yet still with an innate wildness about her
The creature struggles for freedom
She is the prey, captured but will not be controlled
The Attacker is male and powerful

But within his hunger lies his weakness
She will fight to the death with no thought of consequence
Yet consequence is his biggest fear
The unpredictable speed at which she struggles

She metamorphoses into unearthly shapes
Squirming and squeaking in battle with his grasp
She does not tire, yet his focus is distracted by his greed
And like liquid she slides to make that final escape

Running so fast her feet lose coordination
She stumbles again and again
Hearing him behind her gives her that flight
Panic is all powerful now, adrenalin has fed her the ability to gain her freedom

Do not look back
Go towards
Where lies life
That is to live

Reviews

Written by Fledermaus (3238 comments posted) 27th March 2008
As a poem, I'm not too impressed by this, sorry. It has some clear metaphors and I guess it brings across what you intend to say, but I prefer poems to either appear structured or to really touch me. This, although the story behind it must be very sad, failed to do both. 
 
If it's about a real unhappy and unhealthy past I hope you'll find a solution soon. Do as you propose in your last stanza; Leave it behind you and enjoy life.

Written by punchy (493 comments posted) 27th March 2008
THanks anyway and i guess it's not really a poem is it. 
It's not really a metaphor ,I was writing about a doormouse :grin

Written by fellpony (1580 comments posted) 27th March 2008
I picked up on connotations here that didn't have anything to do with dormice - probably because of your insistence on the female prey and male predator. It didn't read like nature poetry but like a metaphor, which you say it isn't. Oh well.  
 
PS - metamorphoses - doesn't need an apostrophe

Written by Phil (6645 comments posted) 27th March 2008
Hi PP. Read this as a metaphor too. Just goes to show the power of word combinations. Very strong images of a young woman/girl and an attacker/abuser. I think FP could be right - it's the use of male/female that particularly supports that reading.  
 
There is value there - perhaps develop it one way or another? 
 
Phil

Written by Josie (2732 comments posted) 27th March 2008
I think the prey needs to seek professional advice in order to move forward in life whether it be a dormouse or a human. This is my response to this very sad poem. This would be a truly positive move forward for the victim.
Ok I lied!
Written by punchy (493 comments posted) 27th March 2008
It was a metaphor i just didn't want it to be that obvious. When i want dark undertones i'm too subtle and when it's a metaphor its obvious. 
I'll get it right one of these days.  
It's ok Josie I don't need help I'm not the "doormouse",I'm 38 and well ok! 
 
 
:grin

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