|
By lauthiamkok
|
|
29 March 2008 |
If there is any grammar mistake here, please do let me know. Thanks! 
I am not fixed,
why do you rush,
determined to rule out?
I am the Nature,
a flap of the butterfly's wings,
a wave shakes the Universe!
2008.03.29, 12:47:17 am, Sat.
|
From Mrs Ignorant
Written by Josie (2785 comments posted) 29th March 2008 | It is not the grammar etc which perplexes me, but I, and probably others, do not understand what you are saying:
"I am not fixed" Fixed? ie, repaired? Tied to something permanently? (
Why do you rush - this is a new sentence, but it doesn't make sense to English people: ie
Why do you rush? Understood. Determined to rule out? - Rule out what? You could say: Why do you rush to catch a bus? Answer: Because I am late. Understood.
This is possibly why you are not getting reviews, because what you are saying is not being understood by your audience. For me, if you are trying to communicate your thoughts to another person, then it is important for that person to understand it, and so it is better to use language which is clear and simple.
I'm not being rude, of course not, but it would be great if you could explain to the rest of us what these words are supposed to mean.
For me, poetry is just another way of writing what could be said in prose also and understood. I may not be agreed with, but this is my view for what it is worth. |
Written by mia_ms_kim (1019 comments posted) 29th March 2008 | This is a challenge. I think you might be saying, "life" is not under our control? Yes? Maybe like Josie says, "rule out?" is not a good expression. Did you just mean, "determined to rule?"
You should check out Fledermaus' haikus. He has similiar interesting themes in his poems.
Mia  |
Only registered users can rate and write comments.
Please login or register. Powered by AkoComment 2.0! |
Previous item
