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Poetry
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Angel's words
By lauthiamkok
29 March 2008
English is not my first language by birth, so if there is any grammar mistakes here, please do let me know. I will make it better at my best. Thanks! :-)

Do you remember?
Your hands were so small,
the only word you knew,
was my name.

Do you remember?
Your face were so little,
the only thing you knew,
was looking to my eyes.

Do you remember
you were an angel,
when you grow up and
forget?

After six years I have gone,
the only thing I still ache
is your face, your eyes,
the words you could only say,
again and again,
are all my names
on the day of
my leaving home!

2008.03.29, 2:40:15 am, Sat.

 

Reviews

Written by Fledermaus (3246 comments posted) 29th March 2008
Six years? That puzzles me a little. The first two stanzas suggest a parent talking about a child, but leaving home at six seems a bit early. 
 
I liked the first two parts very well, but I was a bit puzzled by the rest.

Written by mia_ms_kim (993 comments posted) 29th March 2008
Correction suggestions. 
 
"Your face were so little" => "Your face was so little" 
 
"when you grow up and 
forget?" sounds awkward. maybe you meant 
"when did you grow up and 
forget?" 
 
"...I still ache" => "...I still ache for" 
 
"the words you could only say,  
again and again, 
are all my names" => 
"the only words you could say,  
again and again, 
were all my names" 
 
I guess you are talking about your baby? Know the feeling - I sometimes long for my child even when he is in the next room sleeping. 
 
Mia :)

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