I was gobsmacked
the first time I saw her,
Bertha Bluebottle,
my eyes had never, ever
feasted on such a delight,
I have always had this thing
about strong, powerful women
and Bertha in her powersuit, well
I could hardly believe my eyes.

We chatted and Bertha told me
that in her other life
she was a Pro,
Professional Arm Wrestler that is,
she told me she was a contender for
the Yorkie Woman of the Year Award
and how folk down Heckmondwyke way
all loved BBB, Big Bad Bertha that is.

Well, I was in love and lust
and asked her right there and then
if we could wed,
she said she would think about it
and she did whilst
picking her nose and squeezing her spots,
then Bertha told me we could wed but
that I would have to perform
whenever she said, if not
she would tear me bloody leg of and
use it as a truncheon.

Well, it was not to be,
the thought of me leg
being used as a truncheon
was not fun for me,
so my one true love
my lovely Bertha Bluebottle
I had to leave her with
tears in her eyes,
holding my soggy right arm.