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Friday Night
By jammycarrot
30 March 2008
 Ok, this is my first piece from the creative writing group at my college....we each had to write a poem where the start of each line is friday night......(yes, I know I cheated...but it seemed worth it!)

Please comment!

Jam

 

Friday night is the step on the train of the week’s outward journey,

Friday night is the tense expectation making muscles cramp and strain,

Friday night is that girl who smiles at you as you walk through the carriage,

Friday night is finding your seat next to that girl,

Friday night becomes reliving your life, and living someone else’s,

Friday night is suddenly at ease, relaxed and talking freely.


Saturday morning brings back the tension, loses the relaxed feeling.

But Saturday morning doesn’t make you forget that smile.

Reviews
Wonderful
Written by Josie (2845 comments posted) 30th March 2008
Now I have to say that here is a young man - one of my friends I'm glad to say - who has worked hard and done so well with his poetry. Well done James. I know that you have had this and other poems published, with friends. This is what the rest of us on GW want to hear. Good news of a young person doing very well with his poetry. Congratulations. Your poem is great. You might not be able to remember exactly what she was wearing, but the smile will last a lifetime. ha ha

Written by punchy (535 comments posted) 30th March 2008
Well written. 
A nice optimistic feel to this one! 
Keep up the good work! 
Paula

Written by Josie (2845 comments posted) 30th March 2008
Jammy - I have looked at your poem again. The repetition of Friday Night is not good. Write to me and I will send you your poem laid out beautifully, to give you an idea. The layout of poetry is so important. It can make or break a good poem, as far as I am concerned.
hi
Written by maipenrai (784 comments posted) 30th March 2008
this I liked a lot, a very good write. 
Bernie

Written by fellpony (1715 comments posted) 30th March 2008
A pity your task said you had to start every line with those words - I think they hampered rather than helped the piece! Advice? I don't like the last-but-one line, and I'd turn the last line into a positive rather than a negative. The rest is pleasant, but doesn't feel as original as your Summer's End piece - probably due to the constraints of having to write to a set subject.
Quite Right
Written by Josie (2845 comments posted) 30th March 2008
Sue's quite right. I'd absolutely hate to be given a subject and be asked to write about it. A couple of people have done this, and I have had such a struggle. I've managed it but known it wasn't my best work. One was: "Can you write a poem about a budgerigar for an old man?" ha ha. I did it, but - oh dear! Doesn't your teacher teach you about metre, and rhyming? Come to Poets' Tavern and join us. If they're not teaching about metre, they're letting you down.

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