I have been gently badgered to write something again, and the dashed off following is the result.
Crude stuff in the main.
Please forgive lapses in scansion, infelicitous vocabulary and clumsy quatrains but I don't as yet feel much like polishing it. Hardly worth it anyway. I may come back to it someday when I am not so fed up with the bickering and sniping I keep seeing.
Passion on a page
You,
Great Romantic, prone to deep reflection
on life and nature, take a calmer view
about those topics that I myself pursue
when I engage in deepest introspection.
Tranquillity is a stranger to my world.
I've never been allowed to recall emotion
framed within the placid. Far too much commotion
has prodded my soul within its soft shell curled.
I have looked about me and I see
so much disturbance where I would prefer
some peaceful moments wherein to confer
with many aspects that hide themselves in me .
As you, almost petulant, have mentioned
The world is too much with us, oh yes indeed!
and so grave doubts upon me daily feed
not caring that my thoughts are well intentioned.
Whenever once again that time might come
when I might vent my passion on a page,
albeit in anger, love, despair or rage
your verses counsel that I should stay dumb.
But begone and damn you William, I'll forsake
your smug and far too contemplative calm,
renouncing what the many find as balm.
I'll turn my thoughts to that other William -- Blake.
He thrust aside the trivial in his songs
to look on a world within a grain of sand,
took Lambs and Robins under his command
and set the fearsome Tyger where it belongs.
But with me now the trivial will stay;
and hoping that I do not seem too rude
I'll parody Blake with the following verses crude
as usual in my own peculiar way.
Thus :
Patience Lost.
I have complained and I have wept
at rhyming strained and verse inept:
stuff that could not be read aloud
thrown regardless to the crowd.
Struggling to control my bile,
I wonder if it's all worth while:
just so tired I think I should
give this place away for good .
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Written by Veronica_Milvus (710 comments posted) 31st March 2008 |
The Gentle Badgers still believe
Your absence would our Art bereave
So stay and by example show
How poets in their craft may grow
For if our bilious verse offends
We need your help to make amends.
|
Written by Fledermaus (3456 comments posted) 31st March 2008 |
"The Master said: At fifteen, I had my heart set on learning. At thirty, I stood firm. At forty, I had no more doubts. At fifty, I knew the Decree of Heaven. At sixty, my ear was atuned. At seventy, I could follow what my heart desired, without transgressing what was right." Lunyu 2.4.
That leaves me only a few years to learn how to stand firm... I personally hope that once I'm old, I have found such tranquility, peace and serenity that I could face everything without the slightest worry or without ever loosing patience.
What good is it to drown oneself in sorrow? Sturm und Drang... Emotions of the highest heights and the deepest depths... Maybe for Goethe's young Werther, but I think most people have enough of that without seeking it.
But that's too much about the content. It's a good poem, though I do not know the poets you mention, unles the first William is Shakespeare. |
Written by fellpony (1661 comments posted) 31st March 2008 |
| Pope meets Wordsworth and Blake, eh? And so we find you pitting the old Sheep of the Lake District vs the Lamb of God. As one of the "badgers", I am satisfied. Though of course this, as do many other pieces posted in the last few days, falls into Fledermaus's wonderful category of "metapoetry". And one of the better ones at that. |
Written by anaisanais (62 comments posted) 31st March 2008 |
| Do not be disheartened my friend, I too know the tune you dance too and as such today have removed all my work. TYhus said it is with strong belief I maintain that much talent is evident in your writing and as such one should not give up but be strong rise above and take to some who will direct in more gentle way that you might wish to see your way through the brambles. Not all poets are so venomous or cutting with remarks. My kindest thoughts are with you. |
Think twice, then thrice .........!!
Written by Bagheera (683 comments posted) 31st March 2008 |
 I for one would be most unhappy at the thought of beig deprived of your poetic 'gems', patterjack!
I don't profess to be a poet, but I know what I like and your work is something I always look forward to reading, even if I don't often find a suitable comment!
I sincerely hope you'll reconsider what you seem to be contemplating in the final couplet!  |
Written by Josie (2825 comments posted) 31st March 2008 |
| patterjack, I really don't know what to add to what has been said above. I truly agree. Is it that young people are not being taught how to write poetry (and sometimes not even to write understandable English) today? I think so. I think we've all felt sometimes that poems which we have really worked hard at and which are good, have stood, as if in a rubbish heap. I tried to get the workshop going because I didn't know how else I could help, but I am not an expert and can only go on what I read. Please don't throw the towel in. We enjoy your work. |
Written by punchy (504 comments posted) 31st March 2008 |
Patterjack, I am a fan of your poetry and it would be a grave shame for you to depart from this site. I rarely if ever comment on your work for the reason that I am not worthy or the subject matter is of stuff I have minimal knowledge of.
I have noticed together with the continuing slagging off of younger or less experienced writers that other members so easily said farewell to poets whose work they were not a fan of or whose opinions they disagreed with but are quick to object at your suggestion of departing.
I am not taking away the above pleadings for you to stay but come on guys surely everyone has a deserving place on this site.
Ps. Please don't deprive us talentless writers of your positive influence. |
Thanks to all
Written by patterjack (1343 comments posted) 31st March 2008 |
As someone remarked about poets and drama queens , i throw a hissy fit quite often. Then have a wine and get over the whine ! Lousy pun !
I firmly do believe in everybody being allowed to publish-- and really , I think it time to point out that there are sneakier , more self important reviewers than Gerard ever was-- his direct vitriol was a refreshing change from their unctuous oleagineity
Thank you all for reading and reviewing gently , but if at any time you wish to comment about a poverty of quality , I will accept , appreciate , and point out that you don't think half as poorly of it as I do. Content's another matter, and I will argue that till the cows come home
patterjack |
Patterjack, well said!
Written by Bagheera (683 comments posted) 31st March 2008 |
Your latest comment reminded me of something which we would all do well to carve deep in the grain of our formica-topped PC stations .....
Voltaire said it better than I ever could:
"I disapprove of what you say, but I will defend to the death your right to say it." |
On content
Written by Bottleblondesurfer (3459 comments posted) 31st March 2008 |
I feel you have undermined what I was going to say now as the only thing I feel capable of commenting on is the content. I suppose I could say I was intrigued by the rhyming scheme. I expect it has a proper name. No, it's back to content, I'm afraid.
If I read it right then it seems the site is actively hindering and distracting you from concentrating on producing good poetry or perhaps youfeel the style of the romantic poets a bit too pusillanimous. Maybe both?
With regard to the last two verses. It struck me that things have a natural life span and maybe you have reached your end with the site. I think I can sympathises with that, all things end.It's just a question of knowing when, if that is the case.If not feel free to argue content,the cows are a long way off.
cheers
jane |
Written by mia_ms_kim (1054 comments posted) 31st March 2008 |
I'm glad you are not going, pj. You had me worried for a moment. You know I love your poems, even though I don't understand the in's and out's of the craft, I know when a poem turns on that light for me and I can see some things I didn't see before. Your poems do that for me.
Mia  |
Thanks again
Written by patterjack (1343 comments posted) 31st March 2008 |
to Bagheera , Mia and Jane
Jane - I think that getting rid of that poem has cleared the way for hopefully further postings . Well , hopeful on my part anyway 
And for the good of the community YOU stick around please!
It's a vital admonition of Voltaire , isn't it Bags !
And mia -- I'm not sure if I am a light bearer or a Lucifer-- and that is a lousy Latin pun too !
patterjack |
Not a Review, More a Comment...
Written by shirley_keeldar (67 comments posted) 1st April 2008 |
I'm back on the site after a long while away and was surprised at the volume of work being posted each day, then read this thread and became sad.
Scottish poet Hugh MacDiarmid said of his work - " my job, as I see it, has never been to lay a tit's egg; but to erupt like a volcano, emitting not only flames, but a load of rubbish..."
I think poetry is like that, the occasional ruby in a mountain of rocks(!!), we just have to persevere in looking for it!
Laura
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