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For Children


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The Gingerbread Man

By halina

31 March 2008

I am a Gingerbread Man

full of sugar and spice

and dare to say

that I taste very nice

There are some that would choose to eat me

until I'm all and truly gone

but I would rather them not

as I know that it is wrong

So for all those hungry children

who fancy a bite or two

think of this poor Gingerbread man

instead of thinking about you

Reviews

Written by fellpony (1520 comments posted) 5th April 2008

Content:
I can understand the GM not wanting to be eaten, but "wrong"? what's wrong with eating something intended as food? Why shouldn't a "hungry" child eat it?

Form & technique:
Rhyme scheme is sustained (just; "gone" and "wrong" are only half rhymes)
the line lengths change from stanza 1 to 2
The language is a bit stilted. "There are some that would choose to eat me" would be easier as ""you might want to eat me" and "i would rather them not" is grammatically incorrect as well as awkward.
Punctuation? ???

The rhythm would carry it as a kids' poem, but it isn't consistent; the content, I'm sorry, is illogical. Daft is okay, surreal is okay, but illogical won't cut it for kids.

The Gingerbread Man
Written by percy (2 comments posted) 9th April 2008

Hi Halina

I really like it. It is very well written and lots of children would really enjoy reading it. well done! keep up the good work!

Written by Josie (2538 comments posted) 12th April 2008

Of the two recviews above, I think you should take note of fellpony, for her advice is good. Percy is only encouraging you to write and leave in mistakes I'm afraid. He missed the fact that lettUce has a U in it and not an I also. Not a good reviewer I'm afraid.

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