The boss approached me today for a little Q and A. His first question was: "Where is this stores fire meeting point? First alarm goes off, you don't panic, you stay calm and go to where?" His voice as usual was full of condescension. I wasn't quite sure of the answer but hazarded a fairly confident guess. "The baler area?" Wrong answer. "Okay, the back door?" I knew full well that if there was a fire I would walk or run, dependant on the ferocity of the fire and its closeness to me, right out the front door, probably 'saving' some items on the way. I was though, just telling the man what I knew he wanted to hear. My second guess was also wrong.

He now asked me another question: "You've had your fire procedure training?" Sounding crestfallen. I told him that I had but it was about 16 weeks ago and I didn't remember. "I'm a bit worried you don't remember something from sixteen weeks ago", was his reponse. I shrugged and said, "well, it's only a minor detail in my life, I can't remember everything." I told him this in rather too chirpy a manner which seemed to offend him. I think he muttered something about it actually being an important matter, where to meet if there was a fire and upon reflection I guess it was. Alas, I had forgotten.

From my response I had expected him to laugh or at least smile amiably. Instead he asked me another question. His face had suddenly become fixed on me and his shallow grey eyes were staring into mine, seriously. "Are you a problem?" I stared right back at him and asked him what he meant by this. He repeated, "Are you a problem?" I was confsued and I didn't repond to him. As I stared at his bundled up face, mainly looking at his small and gummy mouth I got the feeling I'd fallen into some spaghetti western standoff. It was a strange scenario. He asked me another question: "Do you want this job?" I understood now.

For all I cared he could have shoved the job deep into his arse but my mouth mumbled out, "yes." He could really shove my too good CV deep into himself until a bloody flap of it protruded from his nostril. I needed this job to fund university though so it was one I had to keep.

After I had replied his mood changed dramatically, clapping me on the shoulder he cheerfully boomed, "Well that's all right then!" And asked a couple more questions which my simple mind was able to field correctly.

I stared now into his beady bastard eyes and ascertained in my head that this arsehole in charge was something of a schitzophrenic one.