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By gutterkitty
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03 April 2008 |
We soon learned
my touch crumpled you to paper;
no more embraces. It wasn’t fair
to twist your tears to ink,
to fill my pen with the turned-down
corners of your lips. One kiss
left lines on your face,
and it was all I could do to keep
from scrawling poetry
across the blank space,
to spread blue across the silence,
a flood of explanations.
Forgive me. I’m a creature of many words
and you fit better in my pocket
when you’re on paper. I can make you cruel,
if I wish- justify the crack across your spine-
or tender when the muses call for love.
But now I see the tissue of your neck,
ink blots like bruises. I was too eager.
You were too beautiful. And now you’re blowing
like newspaper on a wind I didn’t write,
unfolding into a sonnet
that never knew your name.
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lost love... Written by patterjack (1158 comments posted) 2nd April 2008 | ...is a wrenching thing -- and this expresses the feeling so very well, without the too frequent teen angst that we find on the site . The overall metaphor works -- you have not weakened it by bringing in other diverging and distracting metaphors-- which in the past you have often done. So-- without being patronising , I think that you have improved your work immensely ( not that I ever thought that your past postings were not of high standard as well.) This is closer to my personal taste perhaps . patterjack | curiously Written by fellpony (1569 comments posted) 2nd April 2008 | | this is a poem written by a woman that could equally well be the words of a man. Very intriguing and moving. Thank you. | Written by Veronica_Milvus (591 comments posted) 3rd April 2008 | What an imagination! The "crack across the spine" was a master stroke, the double meaning of "lines on your face" really inspired. You kept this simple but beautiful metaphor going throughout. Did your lost love not like being written about, then? | Written by gutterkitty (362 comments posted) 4th April 2008 | Thanks patterjack- means a lot I think this piece is a lot more honest than some of my other recent works, which might explain the improvement in quality. fellpony- I will take that as a compliment as I'm a big fan of ambiguity in poetry. Glad you enjoyed. VM- nice to see the double meanings made themselves clear. I don't think he ever minded being written about, the issue here is more complex than that, I think. I would explain but I'm not sure how to- that's why I wrote a poem instead. |
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