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Poetry
A family disagreement
By owlhoot
05 April 2008
The essence of a dysfunctional family is the inability to resolve disagreements in a loving manner. Been there... done that.

Sometimes I just see "it" differently.
"It" is a small word for big potentiality.
The potential is that we will disagree
on things which matter most to you and me.

On things as trivial as the weather
we both can blend our thoughts together,
but on the deeper things in life
we are prone to have discord and strife.

If you were a stranger on the street,
or someone new I'd chanced to meet
it wouldn't hurt me like it does now
for families should be closer knit somehow.

Family is the word I referred to as "it"
and "it" is where our hearts will sit.
Yet our views of what a family should be
are marred by past reality.

We see our loved ones through different eyes,
as though our perceptions wear disguise
and hide from us the true reality
that who they are we'll seldom see.

If we can simply disagree
then there's no threat to you or me
but if we have to prove who's right
then we'll likely have a fight.

That's why today my heart is sad
for what I've seen so far is bad.
Our family can't simply say "I'm wrong",
for those who do just don't belong.

Reviews

Written by alister (3 comments posted) 5th April 2008
i liked the voice in this poem: the sense of the narrator being a little tired out and worn down by it all really came across well. maybe on the whole the piece could be shorter? i feel like maybe certain areas are dwelt on a little too long in order to fill out the structure. maybe you wanted it that way. i suppose dwelling overly long on something might even fit in well with the idea of the arguing family never letting things go. 
structurally i thought you did well to keep up a fairly consistent meter. however, there were a few times when i felt like the wording was a little awkward for the sake of filling out the rhythm of the line or fitting in with a rhyme (for example, "we are prone to have discord and strife" felt quite unnatural to me, especially the use of "have"). 
i thought your last line was great. it really fits perfectly with the rhythm and sort of ties in the idea of not belonging with this really jaded narrator. i thought that was pretty cool. 
overall, i'd say this was a promising piece. it could definitely do with a redraft to sort out a couple of weak lines that remain but, on the whole, it's a good poem.

Written by owlhoot (17 comments posted) 5th April 2008
I agree on the awkwardness in the second stanza. I will chew on that one for a while.

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