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Poetry
red lightning at the pinnacle of sound
By alister
05 April 2008
hi there. this is a piece i'm putting in to a local poetry zine soon. i think it's pretty much finished. the second section feels a lot like it still needs more work though. let me know your thoughts and enjoy.

I
out the huge dark mass,
tumbling over itself in a field,
a form rises high up
but cuts down sharp back into the black.
it looms and promises
it's just as bad as you think it is.
it's as bad as you think.
it's hard to tell where it starts or ends
but it is there. it is
there and never moving. there and black.
hunched and never moving.

II
beneath a stone bridge, after a long, slow night,
he parked his car, under orange streetlamp light.

he squeezed my tanned knee and asked "can i have it?"
he looked at me and asked if he could have it.

shy, as i was, i looked over tenderly.
ready, as i was, that look was the end of me.

III
young, sensitive body parts;
an infinite tide of sexy body blows.
the girl coalesced.

ejaculation, femoral intercourse and mass.
fuck.
red sound radical,
fuck is wonderful.

IV
roots and bark and green and brown
rich full soil and wet wet ground
tender twigs and living leaves
sun in slits shines through thick trees
stuff hides up in the branches
stuff makes noise in the branches
where the girl was found
under the dirt mound

Reviews

Written by Phil (6628 comments posted) 5th April 2008
I thought the second and fourth sections the better parts of the whole. Just goes to show. I found the rest too tangential - especially the first. I could be revealing my own ignorance here, but it's never stopped me before, it seems to be trying too hard to be something more than it possibly should be. 
 
Phil

Written by Steve_K (54 comments posted) 7th April 2008
Really enjoyed this Alister. I liked the way that you have the twist at the end, although disturbing, very interesting. Loved the part:  
"he squeezed my tanned knee.." very revealing line. Nice write...

Written by alister (3 comments posted) 8th April 2008
thanks a lot for the comments and advice, guys. i've gone ahead and submitted it. it should be appearing in print by early june.

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