|
A lovely poem Brett
Written by Josie (2785 comments posted) 5th April 2008 |
| Brett, you have used iambic pentameter really well here. I noticed your rhyming scheme also. It must have been quite a challenge. Why did you choose four lines for the last verse? I loved the way you continually brought the reader back to Bluebell Lane. (With a capital L?) I wasn't quite sure what to make of "To make up to the youth I spent alone, I promised him a Spring of adulthood." Could you explain this to me please? Quite a lovely poem Brett. |
Written by Phil (6713 comments posted) 5th April 2008 |
Is this one of those villanelle (sp?) things?
Liked this, especially the end - it kind of redefines the whole piece.
I was also jarred by the same line that got Josie.
Phil |
Thanks Josie
Written by Brett (782 comments posted) 5th April 2008 |
For your kind words. The final stanza of a villanelle always ends in four lines, the last two being the refrains used all the way through the poem.
The line you wished explained is referring to the youth that the narrator once was (alone for most of his time, but you could read 'spent' as in wasted time alone, I suppose) and the promise of a 'Spring of adulthood' - new begginings, thoughts of love, what you will - rumpy pumpy.
Cheers
Brett |
Hi Phil
Written by Brett (782 comments posted) 5th April 2008 |
Whilst I was explaining that line to Josie you must have posted your piece, so see above - bugger, I've just seen that I have spelt beginnings incorrectly above.
And yes, Phil, it is a villanelle (may I request that you refrain from using the word jarred, I'm a sensitive individual, and it reads too much like bottled to me - only with a jar, you understand).
Cheers, Phil.
PS - Stella still on BOGOF? |
Written by Phil (6713 comments posted) 5th April 2008 |
Stella - unfortunately yes - but: APIAS - Any Port In A Storm.
Taking it easy tonight as I'm doing a bit of work (whilst being distracted by GW)
Apologies over the jarring incident. I'll attempt to rephrase in future, should you bugger the flow of my reading! Doesn't quite work see?
Cheers
Phil |
Phil sketch
Written by Brett (782 comments posted) 5th April 2008 |
Sorry, Phil, but just that line of yours has stuck with me and I couldn't resist this.
INT. CAKE SHOP
TWO SURLY WOMEN REPLENISHING COUNTER
PHIL ENTERS.
PHIL : 'Scuze me.
1st SURLY: Yes?
PHIL: Is this one of those villanelle things?
1st SURLY: Which one?
PHIL: That one...there..cream...and...
1st SURLY: Cream between two sugar dustarded rhyming refrains?
PHIL: Err...yeah.
1st SURLY: Yes, it is.
PHIL: Looks very nice...but jarring.
1st SURLY: Do you want it?
PHIL: How much?
1st SURLY: It cost a lot of time.
PHIL: I can afford that.
1st SURLY: Here you are then, one villanelle, that's a
lot of time.
PHIL: How does that work? Do I just wait?
1st SURLY: Oh, God, no. Goodbye.
PHIL: Bye (EXITS)
2nd SURLY: He been on that discount Stella again?
1st SURLEY: Aye.
Cheers |
Written by Phil (6713 comments posted) 5th April 2008 |
Actually - villanelle does sound like a rather intricate cream cake.
Up int' north, all cake shop ladies seem to be jolly old birds who call me love - and when I've left the shop, in all likelihood, fat bastard.
Cheers
Phil |
Phil
Written by Brett (782 comments posted) 5th April 2008 |
you're a star - thank Christ, you're not one of the sensitive ones.
I think cake ladies must look at you the same way pub landlords do at me.
Cheers |
Written by fellpony (1608 comments posted) 5th April 2008 |
think cake ladies must look at you the same way pub landlords do at me - that would be the grin and hands rubbing together that I get in the village choccy factory, would it?
Villenelles are Hawkward things aren't they - you seem to enjoy tying words in knots - villanelles and englynion ... no wonder blank verse seems foreign to you, it can't be much of a challenge after this kind of thing.
|
Written by Phil (6713 comments posted) 5th April 2008 |
Ah, pub landlords in my part of the world are completely different. Because of the ethnic nature of the area I live, drinking out is becoming a minority pastime. Away from the glitzy vomit and sexy glass fights of the town centre (which I long outgrew) you're treated very well.
Phil
Glitzy vomit and sexy glass fights - do you think there's a poem in there?
|
Written by Phil (6713 comments posted) 5th April 2008 |
The glitz of vomit strewn streets
And faces glassed for fun
Are the trademarks of our home-towns
Now the weekend has begun.
????? |
Sue and Phil
Written by Brett (782 comments posted) 5th April 2008 |
Sue, I have not given up on blank verse (speaking of which I read your review of wt's latest, regarding his going away - let's all chip in for a blankety blank verse cheque book and pen - boom, boom) The piece you gave me such valued advice with I am in the process of rewriting. I never knew your vice was chocolate:
It's always nice to have a vice,
It makes you warm inside.
Unless that vice is chocolate mice,
For God knows where they hide.
Phil - Glitzy vomit (I had to get my mouth around that) and sexy glass fights - do I think there's a poem there?
Frankly, Phil, I think there's a ballad of booze and bits of barf, bottled bloody bastards, that could bounce along to the ballads beats of fours and threes, becoming biblical before at some bugger's behest we are bollocksed.
I do enjoy alliteration.
Cheers |
two penn'orth ....
Written by Bagheera (683 comments posted) 5th April 2008 |
I too liked the simplicity of this pome - whether written in a villa or a village pub doesn't seem to be really important, IMHO ....
It used to cost tuppence (that's PRE-decimal 2d) to get from Old Swan to Bluebell Lane, out on the rim of the known universe, where Liverpool gave up expansion and melted into Huyton.
No Bluebells today, it's become a busy feeder road for the M62  |
Written by Veronica_Milvus (626 comments posted) 6th April 2008 |
I always thought that a villanelle sounded like a stately dance at the court of the Sun King. But I spotted it in the above, and I know Brett does the clever forms so well.
There''s a bit of wistful misery going on on the poetry board these days. Must be the weather. But the title / first line of this is particuarly lovely. Nice one, Brett. |
A Beautiful Poem
Written by Katanga (1217 comments posted) 18th April 2008 |
Brett - I think this is beautiful. Perfectly constructed and sensitively expressed. I'd never heard of a villanelle before, but you're clearly a master of the form.
One datail that gives it so much power is starting the whole thing (+ the title) with the word 'And'. It makes a huge difference but I can't put my finger on exactly why. Is it to imply a continuation from a mysterious 'bigger picture' that lies behind? I have the same problem with the hymn 'Jerusalem' starting 'And did those feet . . .?'
If you could explain to me your purpose in starting with 'And' so powerfully, that would be great!
By the way, many thanks for your review of my Monkey and Whale thing - it's so motivating getting positive comments, isn't it? Cheers! John |
John (Katanga)
Written by Brett (782 comments posted) 18th April 2008 |
Thank you for your kind words (though I am no master - I have only two villanelles that I am happy with; this one, though I have now written a different fourth stanza, and Methodists Need Not Apply).
I wish I could offer you some philosophical reasoning to why I chose to begin the poem with the word 'And,' but the truth is I don't rightly know. It just felt right.
Why not give the form a go yourself, once you have your two refrains it's just a matter of finding enough rhymes. Fun to do and not as hard as they first appear.
Cheers |
Only registered users can rate and write comments.
Please login or register.
Previous item
