This is for my husband.
The rhyme scheme I took from Philip Larkin's "Ambulances".
FAMILY
Brother and sister I have none
For that, my parents take the blame
And they are ash beneath the earth
So none left living shares my name.
My children never came to birth
My dreams of happy families gone.
So diligent at my career
To all my friendships' disrepair
I watch, as others' families grow
And parents find their purpose there.
That tight embrace I cannot know.
Reach out my hands - there's no-one near.
But you, I took to be my lot
To share the joys and face the fears
I chose you as you'd chosen me
To walk with through the folding years
And be my only family.
God help you, but you're all I've got.
|
Wry twist
Written by patterjack (1433 comments posted) 6th April 2008 |
I cannot really comment fully on the content of this piece -- it is more of a private thing I nevertheless like it for what it says .
Thetone of the work is well controlled , avoiding sentimentality with the wry twist at the end .
Enjoyed
patterjack |
An invitation, Veronica
Written by Josie (2845 comments posted) 6th April 2008 |
| I like the style of your poem Veronica and I can see that a lot of care has gone into it. As for the content, I know how you must feel, but it is not only older people who can feel like this. Children today are suffering because of marriage break-ups. A little six year old came up to me and asked me very shyly: "Would you be my Granny because I don't have one?" Her family is very broken, and, although she has brothers and sisters from different relationships, she didn't have a grandmother, who is important to a child. I replied "Yes, I'd love that job." So I am this little girl's grandmother, and although I have grandchildren of my own, I love her as much as any grandmother could and she loves me also. So it seems that adopted family members are the answer. I don't have a sister - would you be mine Veronica? |
Written by Veronica_Milvus (749 comments posted) 6th April 2008 |
Thank you Josie, that is really touching. We none of us choose the families we are born into but we can build our own out of friends.
Nice to be adopted at my age! |
Written by Phil (6959 comments posted) 6th April 2008 |
Like this very much, Veronica. It is touching.
I can't disagree with a thing PJ has written. So to avoid repetition: ditto.
To add - I like the rhyme scheme - it's there, but not in the reader's face - something I often admire about patterjack's work too.
Phil |
Written by Phil (6959 comments posted) 6th April 2008 |
Like this very much, Veronica. It is touching.
I can't disagree with a thing PJ has written. So to avoid repetition: ditto.
To add - I like the rhyme scheme - it's there, but not in the reader's face - something I often admire about patterjack's work too.
Phil |
Ooops
Written by Phil (6959 comments posted) 6th April 2008 |
| Worth the double comment as I liked it so much! |
Hi Veronica
Written by maipenrai (784 comments posted) 6th April 2008 |
One of your best from my point of view.
Bernie |
Written by Fledermaus (3487 comments posted) 6th April 2008 |
Good poem.
I can't imagine what it would be like not to have siblings. On the one hand perhaps a bit lonely I think; On the other hand it might urge one on to make friends more easily.
Sometimes though, friends can become so close that they are nearly brothers or sisters (or at least almost like cousins)...
|
Written by beatricelouise (215 comments posted) 6th April 2008 |
Very good point, Veronica. I agree with Fledermaus, however. You have the opportunity of making good friends. I can say that having four children, and going on six grandchildren in July. The sixthl be born near my birthday, if all goes well.
I liked the flow of your poem. Yes, very nice indeed!  |
Written by mia_ms_kim (1057 comments posted) 6th April 2008 |
A vulnerable self-revealing poem that I feel deeply. It reminds me of my prayer for my only child - that when he grows into adulthood he will find a woman he will love deeply, the woman who will return his love, and he will stay committed to her and she to him. Then I think I can relax.
Mia |
Written by msebastian08 (8 comments posted) 7th April 2008 |
| Really liked the poem! It trips along very nicely, a great contrast to the sentiment, but perhaps indicative of at least your presentation to the world...practical and pragmatic acceptance. And I think there is something of that conveyed by your use of language. And that last stanza very good...with the hint of humour to finish. Congratulations! |
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