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By Robru
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08 April 2008 |
This was written as a challenge from a friend. Title was provided and eight lines was the limit set.
Dirt between my toes
Signals freedom and fun.
When I walk along a sandy beach,
Or maybe,even run.
Close by there is a little stream,
Not something wide and wild
And I can paddle in the mud,
Become a little child.
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Written by Josie (2496 comments posted) 8th April 2008 | | Absolutely lovely. Nearly everyone likes to keep a bit of their childhood, whilst others throw away that fun in adulthood. What a shame! |
Written by Brett (479 comments posted) 8th April 2008 | This, for me, is your best yet. Simple, yes, but there in lies its beauty. I'm sure many of us have at least once in our adult lives yearned for the bliss and simplicity of childhood.
The opening two lines really awoke memories of my childhood, then the poem as a whole evokes images of beaches, streams, fields, and woods that were my favourite stomping grounds. A nice work.
Cheers |
Written by Veronica_Milvus (455 comments posted) 8th April 2008 | | Agree with Brett, in this poem the rhymes and metre seem a little more subtle and the sentiment is also very simple and pleasant. "not something wide and wild" was a great line because it emphasised the rather unambitious and gentle type of paddling going on, and therefore revelaed something of the state of mind of the person speaking. |
Written by audrie (444 comments posted) 8th April 2008 | | Well, you certainly won your bet. |
Written by Robru (125 comments posted) 9th April 2008 |
Thank you to all you who have responded so well to what was a simple piece expressing my pleasure at being able to be a child again, openly and unashamed. Thank you again.
Cheers, Bob. |
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