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By patterjack
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08 April 2008 |
I do not condone sloppy ignorance but speak of deliberate intentional rule breaking for a poetic purpose .
Mortmain
Even the tablets that Moses found engraved
on Horab's heights, and claimed to be God-given,
though carved in solid stone could not be saved
but finished as dust, shattered, broken, riven.
Shall strict conservative rules be free of challenge?
Is there no way one can evade their block?
must one remain instead behind their henge
and graze forever with all the stolid flock?
Why must the burden of mere convention
like the stone of Sisyphus roll over me ?
to speak in the way that delivers my intention
is all I want, otherwise let me be.
Chorus
Conformity, conformity, there's restriction in conformity
Where Deviation from the past must be regarded as Deformity,
so break out brand new standards, and with rebellious cry
the bonds of unthinking, standard, servitude deny.
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Hi, Brian
Written by audrie (454 comments posted) 8th April 2008 | or should that be Brain??
One of my favourite sayings is:
Eagles fly alone, they are but sheep who follow the crowd.
So don't conform, go for the unexpected! |
Written by mia_ms_kim (1054 comments posted) 8th April 2008 | What a hymn! When I read your work, half the time I'm almost crying, the other half I'm laughing like a hyena! Now I'm almost crying tears of mirth.
Mia  |
Written by Brett (884 comments posted) 8th April 2008 | As a lover of strict form, the ultimate irony is that I thought this poem fantastic. The opening stanza spoke to my atheism, and there was a ballsy approach to convey the message. I also liked the mention of Sisyphus.
Cheers |
Written by patterjack (1328 comments posted) 8th April 2008 | |
Written by patterjack (1328 comments posted) 8th April 2008 | |
Written by patterjack (1328 comments posted) 8th April 2008 | | Never happened like this before !
Written by patterjack (1328 comments posted) 8th April 2008 | I am starting to write thanks to people and I get three postings instead of one !
Anyway , on the fourth try-- thanks Brett !
patterjack
| hi patterjack
Written by maipenrai (784 comments posted) 8th April 2008 | i must be a bit of a rebel on this on going conversation we are having here on gw, content is what i look for, what is the poet/writer saying that to me is importent.
as per normal a good write mate.
Bernie | multiples
Written by fellpony (1658 comments posted) 9th April 2008 | It's the software, forcing you to post reviews as quatrains  I did once read an explanation of the bug that causes it, but forget how it's triggered.
Nice irony, using a structured and rhymed form to deny the rigor mortis of the "dead man's hand". It points up the difference between structure and formulaism (if that's a word). Your own, I think, was "corsetry" - suggestive in itself |
Written by Phil (6845 comments posted) 9th April 2008 | Brian, I think that you should write as you damn well please. Whichever 'rules' you do choose to use, you use them well enough for them to be unobtrusive so the words 'deliver your intention.' Same goes for your tremendously light touch with rhyme. I think that above all else, you have more than earned the right to use or disregard convention as you see fit. As a non-technical reader of poetry - I reckon all that sort of stuff should be in the background anyway. The only thing I want to notice as a reader is a cadence or rhythm that suits the intention.
I can't deconstruct your poem, Brian. As I've commented before, I don't have the skill. I do have an opinion on the message - just write.
All the best.
Phil |
Written by Josie (2825 comments posted) 12th April 2008 | | I agree with Phil wholeheartedly: "write what you damn well please". Nobody expects you to conform to a particular sty;e do they? I haven't found two poets who write alike on this website anyway, nor would I wish to. What a dull world if we did. As for your work, it is quite OK as it is, and people like it. What is the problem? |
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