Great Writing - Home > Short S. > through queer eyes (reviews welcome...)
READING ROOM
Great Writing - Home
Read and review others' work
Articles on writing
Advice from the community
COMMUNITY
Talk to others in the forums
Events and Competitions
GW News
ABOUT GREAT WRITING
All About Us
Contact Us
WORK AWAITING REVIEW
GW IS...
Great Writing creative writing community is designed to prompt ideas and provide inspiration and motivation within aspiring and amateur authors. Whatever your topic; from love poetry to Doctor Who or Harry Potter fan fiction, Great Writing's online writing group is where you can make new friends and improve your creative writing.
WHO'S ONLINE
We have 2244 guests online and 6 members online
Shorts
through queer eyes (reviews welcome...)
By grandformage
09 April 2008
Mac is the cutest guy in my class. His intense green eyes take me back to the lush Kerala backwaters. Those silky effortlessly flowing hair remind me of the Goan winds.
A prince’s nose and a TV anchor’s voice on an athlete’s body. He could have been every woman’s secret desire, a dream date.
COULD HAVE BEEN.
Had he not been studying at an all boy’s boarding school.
Anyways Mac is not his real name. Like everyone else in Riverdale High, he is known
By his dummy name. A gift by the seniors to the juniors on the first day of school.
A vague ritual repeated year after year,fucchha by fucchha.
So Bakhtiyar Khan becomes Bunty, Sandesh Naresh becomes sandy, Madhavan M. becomes Mac and Ramasundaram Ranganathan (that’s me) is rechristened Roxie. And everyone is thereafter known by their shorter, sleeker names.

Locked in between the towering Himalayas, with only dense forests for company all around, on the outskirts of Dehradun , Riverdale High is quite a boring place to spend your childhood at. Had it not been for Mac (he of the green eyes and broad shoulders), I would’ve long fled this place and become a forest office clerk, tourist guide or a taxiwallah at nearby Mussoorie.

----------*----------
Of all the things that I loathe, the annual boy scouts trips are perhaps the most hated of them all. Navigating strange forests, spending a night outdoors at the height of Himalayan chill, is not my idea of an outing.
This too shall pass – is how I console myself every time. But this time the weather gods came to my rescue. As soon as we started the campfire, the pitter patter of heavy raindrops cooled the forest wood. We ran for shelter to our rain proof tents. It was Vikram sir’s (our scouts instructor) idea to take along water proof tents this time. He had that doggy sixth sense. He could always smell a calamity. Last year, when the lightning struck our mess-building, he already had the hall evacuated beforehand. Once again he proved to be a lifesaver.
Mac and I were in the same tent. He was wet with rain; I was wet with rain and perspiration. He took off his clothes and hopped onto his bed. It was the first time I had seen him like this.
A soldier’s body.
Perfectly cut.
Like what you see on HEALTH magazine covers. I took off my rain and sweat drenched clothes and slipped into the blanket. It was cold, and the rain made it worse. He was shivering under his thin covers, I had enough heat. The cold was getting onto him.
‘Why don’t we stack our blankets one above the other? This chill is killing me’ he suggested.
I couldn’t believe my ears. This whole idea of being so close to his near naked body sent a shiver down my gonads.
We went into a tight embrace, legs interlocked. I transferred the heat within me, vindicating all the thermodynamic laws. I could feel the bulge in my underpants thicken. He kissed me on the neck. And the next moment I could feel him inside me.
We went two more rounds.
It was that last stroke that woke me up. From that mix of slumber and mirage. He was still shivering under his thin blanket, struggling to fit his large frame into that inadequate piece of cloth.
‘Why don’t we join our blankets? It’s too cold’ I offered.
‘Are you crazy? This thing is not big enough for both of us, unless of course you want my Willy up your arse’ he blurted out unsympathetically and turned the other side.
I could see a hint of his bare back. My poppy was in full bloom. Erect. Up in the air. Defying gravity. I slid my briefs down a little, setting it free. Held it firmly with my right hand and took it smoothly down it’s length. Then again. And again. It was raining outside, and it rained inside. Pitter patter, phich phichak.
I went back to sleep. This time with an unfulfilled heart and a sticky right hand.
--------*--------
Any school is incomplete without teachers. And there are loads of them here at Riverdale. Most of them way beyond their expiry dates. Uninspiring figures. Riverdale lacks young enthusiastic blood.
Maybe this is a part of an intelligent strategy. Being a boy’s school, the lady teachers are perhaps the only female presence around, if you discount all those stray bitches moving around the campus. Having eye-candy gurus in the midst of hormone driven teenagers is a potent risk.
The geography teacher Ms. Ahlawat is particularly detested for her hideosity. I think this is quite unfair to the lady. I mean she may not appeal your aesthetic senses, but she’s not a bad teacher, and anyways geography is not a bad subject either. Okay I never got great grades in the subject, but that’s mainly because I’m always dreaming in her class. About mornings in Japan and sunsets in Sweden. About me and Mac.
---------*----------

Exam-time and anxiety go hand in hand. Specially for Mac, before the geography test. He’s not so bad in the written part of the exam, but he’s awful with the maps. And particularly with islands.
‘Lumps of land floating in water’ he’d say, ‘they all look the same’.
And to make matters worse, our Ms. Ahlawat was obsessed with islands.
‘What’s it with Ahlawat and islands?’ he’d complain, ‘was she a lifeguard before this or what.
I could imagine Ahlawat in a bikini, running on the beach, strutting her stuff, sagging breasts and protruding belly, providing mouth to mouth respiration to helpless beach walkers. Indecent exposure assumed an entirely new meaning.
Ms. Ahlawat’s fascination with islands became very clear when we got the question paper in our hands.

Q. On a political map of the world, mark the following;

1. The city where Taj Mahal is situated
2 Sri Lanka
3.Andaman and Nicobar islands
4. Ireland
5. The land of the rising sun

Mac was trembling. I sneaked into his answer sheet. All wrong. Sri Lanka in Poland. Japan on England, Andamans in Africa and forget about Ireland. Only Taj Mahal was in Agra. I couldn’t see his anguish. So, well, I did what I’d never done before.
I passed on my map to him. He was thrilled and passed me a smile.
It made my day.
-----*------
That evening I was not alone at my favourite sunset spot in Riverdale. Mac was with me.
He came to say thanks.
‘You know what? Had u been a girl I would’ve kissed you’ he said

‘Really Mac?’ I was surprised.

‘Yeah, in fact why not?’ he brought his rose petal lips near my face. I closed my eyes, and felt a light peck on the cheek. It left a moist imprint behind.

‘Mac’ I said. ‘Will you marry me?’

‘What’??

‘No no nothing’

‘Roxie’ he said. ‘You are such a pervert’

I couldn’t stop blushing, but by then he was looking somewhere else.


Reviews

Written by Veronica_Milvus (769 comments posted) 9th April 2008
I've recently read Stephen Fry's memoirs of his schooldays called "Moab is my Washpot", about growing up gay in an English public school. This has parallels with that book, and I think it is very well written with some real professional flair. I know I would not find it an easy subject to write about, so, well done!

Written by Asferthecat (859 comments posted) 10th April 2008
Well written, with a light touch. You handle a difficult subject very well. There's enough humour to make an amusing read and yet one can sympathise with Roxie.

Written by TwistedTales (548 comments posted) 12th April 2008
A very nice piece indeed. I like the descriptions of Mac and Roxie's day dreaming. You have handled the subject well. Its humorous as well.. one thing though...in the end i got a lil confused...did he actually give him a peck and also the Mac's reaction to Roxie's "Will you marry me", i felt wasn't justified. It should be a lil more pronounced.  
 
Typo : "had u been a girl..." (You) 
 
And the moment you said "Fuchas", i knew you had be an Indian....:) Good work...i have seen lots of Indian writers writing in English using colloquial words/phrases so I liked it even better.  
 
Good work, keep writing. 
 
Regards, 
TT

Written by Phil (7014 comments posted) 13th April 2008
Thought this a well written piece,GF. The title is perhaps little obvious - but that could just be me. Enjoyed - just the right level of humour. 
 
Phil

Written by philkent (171 comments posted) 13th April 2008
Ah my first schoolboy crush. 
 
You got it down perfect, a deft, humorous approach that remained honest without the subject matter descending to preachy angst or shock tactics both of which get very tired very quickly. 
 
There are some that wouldn't willingly pair up words like queer and schoolboy with innocent and charming, but you managed it very well. There was a lot of subtle insight here. 
 
Very good read. Thank you. 
 
Phil
Great stuff...
Written by SammoR (132 comments posted) 13th April 2008
 
 
..most of what I think has already been said. 
 
I'd always wondered how many people from India were known by westernised contractionsof their names - now I know! 
 
The descriptions of the school and the surrounding countryside, are lyrical and evocative.  
 
I like the early scene where it seems as if the relationship has been consummated but it turns out to be a dream - and then later Mac makes a reference to what would happen if they bumped together through sleeping too close! 
 
 
Only criticism is that the title is a bit of a giveaway...

   Only registered users can rate and write comments.
   Please login or register.

Powered by AkoComment 2.0!

 Previous item   Next item