It happened in Burnley... part 2

I climbed aboard his houseboat not knowing what to expect. There was an overwhelming stench of hot hotdawgs. I could see, in the kitchen, a high pile of finger tea-cakes and a jar of relish. 'I bet he'll relish that', I remember thinking rather inappropriately.
"Well Polly, do you realise what you've done?" he asked me as he opened his can of shrimp water. "Do you realise the extent of what you've done?".
I began to panic. The breath escaped my lungs rapidly like a deflating bouncey castle. I knew the extent of what I'd done all too well. It's common knowledge that murdering an Anne Bolyne Octopus is one of the greatest animal crimes in the land. In fact, the only animal crime carrying a longer sentence is killing an Icelandic pink-skinned watermonkey. In southern states of America, that's the death sentence. In Texas, they hit you with a flagpole until you are dead.
"Please... it was an accident", I begged, flicking a cat biscuit across his fold away dining table. "I thought it was your tie rope". Mistake number two.
"Why were you trying to find my tie rope? What were you fondling my knots for?"
What was I supposed to say? 'I wanted to come aboard and watch you weld through the window.' I don't think that story would stick. It might make me look a bit weird.
"I erm... I wanted to check that your knot was correct. It's part of my Duke of Edinburgh bronze award. I need to check the knots of all of these boats." It sounded plausible.
Jonathan sat, quietly eating his Snack-a-Jacks. 'Crunch' went he. He raised an eyebrow. Then the other. Then the other.
"Fine. But if I promise not to tell anyone about this, you've got to promise something to me."
"Anything", I replied. "Anything you want. I'm too young to go to prison. Besides, I don't know how to get there."
"Every night you will come here to this boat and work for me", Jonathan said, tinkering with his nuts. "You'll need to wear something tight fitting and something you don't mind getting dirty."
"Will my Christening dress be ok?" I asked. He burped and blew it at me.
"Whatever... can you swim?"
"I've just won my 25 metre badge if that's what you mean."
"That's exactly what I mean!" he replied, smiling a smile so broad I could see cheese and onion crisps in his dentures. "And what washing powder does your mother use?"
"Smack tablets... why?"
"I  want you to bring the string bag she puts the tablets in. You'll need it. Tell her you'll replace it with a better one. She'll love you more for it."
I sneered and sneereed with distain. What did this crazy freak want from me? What diabolical scheme did he have up his shrunken sleeves. And what was that noise I could hear. It sounded like a helicopter going around and around and around and around and...... so on.

TO BE CONTINUED.... WHEN I GET TWO MINUTES. GOD ALMIGHTY.