It is a fear that strikes you down

though you feel your heart still beating.

A fear that makes you stop and think and

drives you into a state of stasis.

Life, love and sex lose there appeal,

as you begin looks upon them with monotony and

a dash of apprehension,  

while waiting for the date of no return.

Shall I, shall I not?

What if

I let go?

Live with lies and ignorance,

live with knowledge and maybe woe-

I don’t know.

At least the thorn will be removed,

conscience less bruised and the

dawn may once come again without the shadow.

Fuck it.

I need to know.

Counting the names and possibilities,

comparing yourself with friends that are always on their knees-

and backs.

…but in the end it has stuck down

a fair few.

So what about you?

Not immune.

Lost in a thousand thoughts,

some helpful-

most not.

Sat with a painted smile in the sun

wondering if this is my lot-

hay if things turn out to be bad I could soon be

considering my plot.

My idea of levity.

Forgive me.

All of this anxiety is working in spite of me,

maybe I’m my own worst enemy-

obviously.

It started off as a thought,

planted like a seed it has taken root

and bared vicious fruit which strikes my

awareness of mortality

synchronicity

maybe someone is trying to tell me as

every time I turn on the TV I see-

well you know.

I loved them all for one night,

though in most cases more.

But now I wonder if they are forever a part of me,

I wonder if I could be considered a whore.

As I said before it has only been seven

and I see most of them everyday.

Heaven can’t be so cruel to make me have hell to pay.

Though after all this speculation

and under great consideration

I do have to say,

how many names must a person add

to make one wonder if their

blood is bad?