My idiotic mistakes that only I notice,
but heart sees the eyes that are not watching.
My craving reaches to a point that I can
barely hold  on. One slip can lead me
down a path of failure and expenses
I cannot pay.  My urges make me this
way, my frail existence on this world
is not for nothing, but what is holding me
back is everything. Wrapping my mind
around the peace and standing up for
what I belief to be true is harder then
wrapping my heart around what I want
and what I want to belief is true.

Around me people smile and laugh,
they come together for the sake of
coming together yet I journey into
the unknown of my own my mind
where I cannot think straight and this
quest for the right knowledge to go by
is never going to end. i am in this
maze where every corner is a dead end
and every friend went there separate ways,
I try to follow and yet go my own way at
the same time, it all ends in a clash
between my two worlds.

No sense of purpose but the purpose to
serve another. To clean and to be judged
through all my profanities and the messes
I have made. It is all just the beginning;
war, addictions, and depression is just the
beginning.

I can't take this much longer, the feeling
is overwhelming. Loneness and discomfort
is what is see reflecting in my most loved
ones eyes as I stare blankly at them,
Realization speaks to me when I walk down
the school hallway alone. Interrupting laughter
and the haunting footsteps follow me where ever I go.
I could walk a thousand miles and not
escape this feeling. The piercing pain in
my throat as I swallow my tears which expand
into so much more then dieing butterflies in
my stomach.