Dunno really why, just came out!
Isolated and self destructive
The widow is drawn to the cellar
Apprehensive her steps down the uneven and stoney stairs
Where the spilled blood is still there to greet her
The cheap stilettos , a Shadow of her former self
Teeter on the edge of each cold and stoney step
Down she goes deeper and deeper till her breath is cold
The stench of mould and cold metal is over whelming
Spilled paint and unrecognisable tools sit provocative on each step
Almost tormenting her to fall to that same spot
She over steps all obstruction and grabs the first dusty bottle
Unemotional she returns, Pre chilled, a taste of real freedom
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Written by mr_soul (126 comments posted) 9th April 2008 |
Another poem from you that I love. Its great I must say, but very mysterious. I'm trying to work out exactly whats going on there. Hmm. Well I see a woman, trying to deal with her husband's death, which occured in the cellar, going down there to fetch a bottle of wine. Alcohol is her means of coping? Unless I've got the wrong end of the stick ha! But thats my interpretation and I think its a bloody brilliant story.
Great thing about it though is there could be a darker edge? Maybe I'm looking too deep, but there's potential there for the widow also being the one that whacked her husband over the head! Maybe not but just a thought.
Overall, very well put. I don't see where it needs improving really, I enjoyed it the way it was. The detail was great, I certainly could a good vision in my head, you almost feel as if you're there.
Smashing! |
Written by punchy (500 comments posted) 10th April 2008 |
Thankyou Mr Soul, It's as dark as you want it to be and because it just kind of came out without thought I myself donT know what it is about either.
But thanks for your kind review
Paula x |
Written by philkent (157 comments posted) 10th April 2008 |
Punchy, this is great, a dark but humorous little gem. At first I thought this was going in one direction then at the last revealed what - to me - seemed like a widow toasting a happy accident. Very Roald Dahlish
 |
Philkent
Written by punchy (500 comments posted) 10th April 2008 |
Thankyou so much, that is a real compliment.
I like your enterpretation
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Written by mia_ms_kim (1017 comments posted) 10th April 2008 |
Agree with the above reviewers. (Though I have no idea who Roald Dahl is.) Maybe you should branch out into fiction! Impressed.
Mia  |
Hi Punchy
Written by maipenrai (783 comments posted) 10th April 2008 |
good write is this, i got two impressions from yhis.
1. a lady of later years going back to a place where some dark and evil deed had been done, what were those tools used for??? underneath the floor lies??
2. an old tart, well past her sell by date going back to dark places in both her mind and body.
don't know where number 2 came from but that's one of the impressions i get.
Bernie |
Written by Brett (782 comments posted) 10th April 2008 |
Certainly not your usual style, Paula, but well up to scratch. Reading this I kept seeing images of the widow's descent in monochrome; it reads as if it could be the script directions in a 1950s thriller.
Lovely stuff.
Cheers. |
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