|
By NathanRoberts
|
|
10 April 2008 |
Written in response to Josie's challenge. In the spirit of 'The Red Wheelbarrow' I wrote it within a few minutes and in reaction to my immediate surroundings. Also, trying to be simple and objective. so much depends
upon
my daughter's
voice, two
rooms away;
clearer
than all the late
traffic |
Written by Josie (2496 comments posted) 10th April 2008 | Aha - you will have to re-do this I'm afraid Nathan - well, only one line. Take out the "all" to get your three syllable count. Then you will get 10/10. Excellent and funny too. I also had a teenage daughter once, but now there are two grandchildren screaming, and it is worse I'm afraid. So therefore I think your poem is great!
|
Written by NathanRoberts (211 comments posted) 10th April 2008 | Hi Josie,
My daughter's not yet in her teens (phew). She wasn't being particularly loud...just her sweet, soft voice reading aloud a bedtime story...it stood out above the hum of traffic.
I've Pm'd you about the syllable thing, but now you've made it public! The seventh line should be four syllables to follow the 'Red Wheelbarrow' example: 'beside the white'. |
Written by Josie (2496 comments posted) 10th April 2008 | | Thanks Nathan. Suitably changed. I should now give you 11/10 so you actually win the challenge head over heels! Oh, how nice to have a dear little girl in your life. I hope she never grows into a noisy teenager. |
Only registered users can rate and write comments.
Please login or register. Powered by AkoComment 2.0! |
Previous item
