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By mr_soul
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12 April 2008 |
And Everybody's Got To Live Their Life, And God Knows I've Got To Live Mine
In the recesses of my mind
There lives my desire.
Worn down and oppressed,
Angered for too long,
Suppressed and
Repressed.
Energised by sin
And in falsehood its dressed,
Longing to leave,
Lusting for life,
Yearning for recognition yet
Never being freed.
Over years it has struggled,
Tearing my heart and my soul.
Holding my mind,
Inside me it grows.
Never being freed?
God only knows.
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Written by Josie (2496 comments posted) 12th April 2008 | I don't like the layout of your poem. I think it would be better if you grouped your thoughts and put them into individual, clearly defined verses. As for the content: I don't know what desire you have that is" energised by sin and in falsehood dressed."
Can you tell me? I can then understand what you are saying and might be able to comment on it. Thank you. | Josie
Written by mr_soul (80 comments posted) 12th April 2008 | Thanks for the comment. I'd love to say, but its best open to interpretation. For in doing so the last line in my poem would become obsolete lol.
Thanks Josie |
Written by Phil (6387 comments posted) 12th April 2008 | I'm not sure 'recluses' works as the correct word here. Even as a metaphor it struggles. May just be me.
A little angsty for me and without specific focus.
Is the intro from a Smiths song? Morrisey - of course - was (is?) the king of depressing angst. Don't forget though - at least his wrist slitting dirges were set to music. (I actually liked the Smiths in my late teens. Particularly - the headmaster ritual)
Phil | Thanks Phil
Written by mr_soul (80 comments posted) 12th April 2008 | Ah Phil, well done, you spotted The Smiths connection. Yes, the intro is from "William, It Was Really Nothing", hence the title and if you read the first letters of each line it will spell out.....ah, see? Ha, just a little fun on my part, I love that song, and I adore The Smiths. Morrissey is my idol, the guy is simply a genius.
I'm glad you mentioned "The Headmaster Ritual", its one of my favourites as well. But I like just about anything Morrissey lends his vocal chords to. I disagree however that he produced wrist slitting music, I think you listened to them if you were ready for slitting your wrists. Ironically, despite popular belief, I think they wrote some of the most uplifting songs I've ever heard. I'm sure Morrissey saved a lot of lives, I sure feel as though he saved mine ha.
Anyway, enough about me and Morrissey, on to the poem. Again I know its a bit mysterious but I'd rather leave it open to interpretation. You have a point about recluses, perhaps it wasn't the best choice, I'll see if there is a better way of phrasing that opening line.
Again, thanks for the comments | recluses...
Written by shirley_keeldar (67 comments posted) 14th April 2008 | Maybe 'recesses' is the word you're after 
L |
Written by mr_soul (80 comments posted) 15th April 2008 | | Thanks shirley, indeed that seems to fit better. I've tried reading it to make recluses work but it doesn't seem to be fitting in very well. Hmm, I might just take you up on that offer. Thanks. |
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